restless and reckless.

i need to get out of here. before i bite the heads off of every.single.person.in this house. is it not enough that i got my fair share of shit yesterday? sometimes i feel like if i wasnt in a certain place, no one would even know the difference. so what's the point? i'd rather just be left alone then have 'had dinner with'. puhlease. its not like you even give a damn. i just need to be alone. and i need to cry till there's not an ounce of self-pity left in this hole where my heart used to be.

 it fell, you see. and no one's picking it up anytime soon. unless by some sort of miracle it finds its way back. on the other hand, i'm thinking..should i really be surprised and upset? shouldn't i already be used to this kind of hurt? should i not have seen this coming? well. i really should have seen this coming. nothing is this good to be true, not in this thing called my life. again, unless by some sort of miracle..

miracles. 

i just wish i'd have had a less drastic trip down from cloud9. cos honestly, having your heart ripped right out and being tossed all the way back down to earth isnt exactly the way i'd have had it. is it so wrong for something good like this to happen to me, just once in a while? for some reason, is apparently is. i cant wait. to get out. and to get away. to make my OWN decisions and lead my OWN life. 

i know, a few years down the road i'll be complaining about the responsibilities of leading my own life, bla bla bla. that, i do not deny. but who cares right now about a few years down the road? certainly not me. cos i care about now. about how i get through my life as i know it. and oh how god knows i need to get through it. making something better of my life is something i'm not going to give up on. i'm not saying i dont have it good, i know i do. 

i've only had..enough.