it'll be the death of me.

SAM, i mean. 

it felt as if i took my first breath of the day at like..12.45pm or so? after handing in my psych report and movie review.  

exams are a heartbeat away and i'm not even close to being prepared cos of unnecessary obstacles. four days of hell and then i'm OFF! so excited. and so, so scared shitless. 

help! :'(

the great comeback

yes, i'm alive. i'm truly sorry for the lack of updates but i've been crazy busy+helplessly uninspired for the past.. well..10 years during which i've been on hiatus. so. what's been going on, you ask? 

well. let me break it down for ya.

testsassignmentshomeworkmoretestsassignmentshomeworkextremelackofsleepexcessiveeatingtests andmoreassignments. 

oh and homework. yeah, in a nutshell la. 

SO. now you must be wondering what the spaghetti&meatballs i'm doing here, but let me assure you that i'm a little more free now. for..now. 

my four-year old cousin just drew a self-portrait. HAH! it looks like a fierce hybrid of a girl and a demented scarecrow but hey, she's four so all is forgiven. i'll post the picture on facebook if i can. it's hilarious. 

tomorrow is black&red day at college so we're all wearing those colours and i'm painting my nails black and red alternating. we're also watching the remainder of the devil wears prada for psych class tomorrow, for our movie analysis. 

on a more serious note, (not that i wasnt being serious before, i was! especially about the nails :p) i've had a little issue on my mind lately. 

lol, yes i'm sharing it so THERE'S NO ESCAPING ME! muahaahaaaa. 

well, it's quite amazing really how people you think you know just turn out to be great disappointments. i mean, you think you share a real special bond&friendship but you turn around for one second, and find them waltzing off into the sunset without you when you turn back. makes me think, am i really THAT forgettable? cos based on what i know, i'm most certainly not. i make it a point to make people i care about feel that they are important in my life at all times. i DID. over and over. and what did i get in return? being taken for granted, that's what. 

sigh. 

you know? i really dont want to think that all the time i spent in the past fostering the friendship and watering the plants of alliance that we shared was all..a waste. sure, it was a helluva time while it lasted but whats all that if its nothing when time and distance is not on our side? PFFT, that's what. so i dont think i'm going to try anymore. cos i've been hurt over&over and besides, i'm the ONLY one who's EVER trying. and keeping a friendship alive&kicking is a two-way thing, last time i checked. i know you've moved on. but then again, we all have. and you dont see us (me) stop trying. 

but look closely now, and you'll see that i already have. 

zomg.

DRIVING TEST IS TOMORROW!

pray i pass :O

got a text from YM saying 'think-you did not go there to fail.'

and that is so true. boosted my mojo a little. thanks YM! :)

sigh. i better pass.

wish me LUCK!

a tribute to the BUM of all bums.

ohEMGEE! danial bumbummm's going down under on THURSDAY! :'( 

i dont have a picture of you and me in my computer. which SUCKS so bad! sigh. oh well. i'll put one up if i find one, miraculously. 

ohhhhh danial, having you around ALL these years has been just one big laugh (emphasis on BIG. cos well, you know why *winkwink*) 

HAIYO. your BUM la. haha.

anyway, i'm glad to have had fun and sometimes not so fun times with you throughout the years. and i assure you there will be MANY years to come. i'm so excited that you're going to do what you love&know, as you have mentioned, and i'm happy you have that vision and goal for yourself as many people dont. 

so yeah, i'd smack you so hard for not telling me sooner that you're leaving THIS FUGGIN THURSDAY but for now, lets just leave it at this. 

make sure you keep in touch. but i know you will, cos you looooove me and you'll miss my hoxxie-ness to much ;) i'll see you in no time, and we'll PARTAY!

mwwaaah bumbum. lurrve you! xoxo

p/s  I think i might just miss your pick-up lines more than what i'd bargained for. sigh, classic. 

-EDIT-

   i found one!

restless and reckless.

i need to get out of here. before i bite the heads off of every.single.person.in this house. is it not enough that i got my fair share of shit yesterday? sometimes i feel like if i wasnt in a certain place, no one would even know the difference. so what's the point? i'd rather just be left alone then have 'had dinner with'. puhlease. its not like you even give a damn. i just need to be alone. and i need to cry till there's not an ounce of self-pity left in this hole where my heart used to be.

 it fell, you see. and no one's picking it up anytime soon. unless by some sort of miracle it finds its way back. on the other hand, i'm thinking..should i really be surprised and upset? shouldn't i already be used to this kind of hurt? should i not have seen this coming? well. i really should have seen this coming. nothing is this good to be true, not in this thing called my life. again, unless by some sort of miracle..

miracles. 

i just wish i'd have had a less drastic trip down from cloud9. cos honestly, having your heart ripped right out and being tossed all the way back down to earth isnt exactly the way i'd have had it. is it so wrong for something good like this to happen to me, just once in a while? for some reason, is apparently is. i cant wait. to get out. and to get away. to make my OWN decisions and lead my OWN life. 

i know, a few years down the road i'll be complaining about the responsibilities of leading my own life, bla bla bla. that, i do not deny. but who cares right now about a few years down the road? certainly not me. cos i care about now. about how i get through my life as i know it. and oh how god knows i need to get through it. making something better of my life is something i'm not going to give up on. i'm not saying i dont have it good, i know i do. 

i've only had..enough. 

i'm not a bonsai, i'm just missing nutrients!

psych test tmrw. EEK! i so have to study a lot today. but its after my break, so that's not too bad. oh, steph and i are going to the gym on saturday! we're gonna burn 'em carbs. 

i know this is a sad excuse for a blog update. but..i have to go shower. and. study. and. fantasize of yummy food which i wont get to eat anytime soon. so yeah.

my hands, my hands, my, uh, my.

i ate a deutsche dooooodle dang today :)

say it. doooodle dang!