what the shit.

Dear God,

Pulling a sort-of all nighter tonight. thinking about stuff, life and shit like that. feeling like i cannot be bothered anymore. not really for any apparent reason. emo-ness that i myself sometimes criticise in others seems to be showing itself in me. trying my best to surpress. doesnt feel exactly pleasant but hypocrisy just wont do. you made the human mind. it's funny what tricks the mind plays. it's so much more advanced than our actual being. in other words, so much more advanced than the heart. you made the heart too. the heart works in a different way, a way in which it allows comprehension. the mind, however, is far more brutal. i might sound like a total psychopath but no, i'm not mentally unstable thank you. maybe it's like this because i need to do something with my life? maybe make more of it? stop being such a useless bum sometimes and get off my ass and make a difference? come to think of it, thinking of the little changes i've made for the better does make me feel a little better. as they say, or You say, we all have a purpose. i just havent quite figured mine out yet. as a sort of prayer for some answers, i write this to you. show me please, in the most subtle and harmless way possible. what IS my purpose? please, dear god, answer me this.


before my mind reaches me before my heart.


Love,
Laila.