SPM

hiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatus!

merde.

6A's

 looks okay on paper, doesnt feel even CLOSE to okay in here.

merde. 

Falcons, that's right! FIGHT!

oh gawd i am such a wreck. one massive emotional trainwreck. was watching the Cheer '08 dvd (which i just received) just now. saw us perform and started tearing like an incredible psychofreak. 

but honestly, i'm missing everything about it. the fantastic squad. each one of them. we're a family and in some small (however small it may be) part of our hearts, we always will be. we'll always share that same series of memories. it's something we'll ALL have in common for the rest of our lives. steph, azarea, ima and i may be leaving. but it doesn't mean that we'll forget. it was a jolly good time spent, AND well spent too. in my opinion, each one of us has a little something new embedded in us that we'd obtained from cheer. from each other. something new that we'd never known before. a new sense of discipline, respect even. for seniors and for each member alike. a sense of responsibility, holding someone's life in the palm of your hands (literally, mind you) and also a sense of belonging..belonging to something you love that makes you happy and brings you joy, say, at the end of a tough day at school. there's also the freedom of expression at cheer. not only perkiness! all the time, but sometimes tears as well. tears of frustration, tears out of anger. tears of pain. 

as long and as hard as the tears flow, your squad never backs away. never.

everyone's always there for each other. always sharing. sharing laughs, the occassional gossip, drinks, snacks...just plain sharing. we've got each other's backs literally, and always. stress may come and go, anger may come and go, but team spirit is everlasting. i'm going to miss that very team spirit. i dont know if i can find it anywhere else. i'm half hoping that i wont, so that i can hold on to this forever, and not have to replace it. i'm gonna do my best to help them out as much as i can when i'm out of school. i want them to do better next year. i want them to have what i feel at this very moment to pass on to the future Falcons of SSB. i want them to be THIS proud. i just sincerely hope that the team spirit will never fade or get corrupted by outside influences because right now, it's as pure as it can be. 

remember girls, we are a team. no matter what happens, we always will be. 

we are a legacy.

cheery coke.

cheery coke, not cherry coke. (no it wasn't a typo, you can stop rubbing your eyes now it looks silly) 

anyway, a fling? 

fling, huh?                                     fling...

aaaaaaaaaah fling.

hmm...   :)

Selamat Hari Raya

I would like to wish all my Muslim friends a very VERY SELAMAT HARI RAYA! Hope you guys enjoy yourselves to the max, and i also hope you g  uys STAY SAFE! *ahemAMARahem* 

went to lunch with the cousins yesterday at Bubba Gump at the curve. was fun, glad i could find a way to go. good bonding time which we SHOULD DO MORE OFTEN when shilps is around. good food, needless to say. Nirwan and i had the bourbon something something baramundi (haha, cant remember the name!) and BORING ol' Nish and Shilpa had..

 fish       and       chips.

wow! *dies of excitement* lol. not adventurous at all these two are. seriously. anyway, halfway throughout the meal shilpa starts laughing for no apparent reason (and she claims I'M the stupidest one in the family now) HAH. you wish, child ;) though i openly admit i've had a few bimbo moments here and there recently. but, i could NEVER take her place as the bimbo of the family. never, i'd never do that you :) unanimously, it has been agreed that she's made her mark as the BIM of the family. i shall not disclose all the BIM things you've said and done here, due to my undying love for you. haha. what's important is that WE know. hehe. 

oh yeah, it took so long for our food to come so nish came to the conclusion that it was because we were indians. hahahaha. so while we were eating, this other family came to sit at a table next to ours. 

Nish : Poor Indians..

lol. their food came fast though. unfair! so after lunch we walked to cineleisure cos they were gonna watch a movie. i had to go though so i couldnt watch with them. went to meet mum at borders after that and went to buy my dress! 

okay, dress(es) wasnt planning on buying more than one, but they were quite cheap and quite....irresistable!

   

i loved the print :D

and this, which i wore to the KA 25th Anniversary Dinner&Dance..

and we must have a demure looking good girl dress now, musn't we?

heeheeeee! got new shoes also, but no picture. mum went on a pretty insane shopping spree as well. especially on shoes. gosh, that woman. no guessing where i got it from, straight from the mothership i tell you! it's good to have a mum who enjoys it as much as you do. it's fun. 

today, we went to uncle hamzah's for raya lunch. yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy rendang man! wooooh! and the cakes and cookies! aunty liyana is the BOMB at making desserts.

anyway, gotta go now. more soon.

lol

[22:29:16] Nirshad says: 

PiNk RuLeZ

it's not everyday something like that happens. well done, cousin. 

L O L

nooooooooo!

my mum. had. the Dior Cherie. and. she. gave. it. away.

sadness fills this room tonight :'(

happy birthday LL!

you're so far away. and i miss you like PHUCK. it ain't the same honey. 

Happy 17th, ham! 

*cue LL, "WOW an entire post for ME!"*

yeah, you're that special. hope you had truckloads of fun!

love you ham. looong time.

xx

 

bliss.

this feeling. like i can BREATHE again.

is bliss.

p.s. i need to shop before i drop!

whoooooopdeedoO!

okay so chem  kinda sucked royal arse. BUT. all is well in this world of mine.

i bet bet BET you wanna know why!!!

BECAUSE........ *giggles*

*giggles more!*

my babies arrived today ;)

aaaaaand...

!!!!!

lol. MUST LA camwhore a bit ;)

 clothesbucket!! *clickclick* 

air mata bergenang

there will ALWAYS be something waiting around the bend to make me cry when i just really, really have to focus and get something done. 

no shit, really. i'm really not exaggerating. 

always. 

and if God's testing me, i'm still standing. 

though i'm hanging on by a thread.

oh no.

feels like i'm falling into this endless ditch. slowly but surely. you know how when things fall, they start slow and then pick up in speed? simple physics, no? yes well, first you tip over that fucking cliff. then you actually realise that you're off that fucking cliff. then your heart tickles with the feeling of falling. 

faster, faster, faster. 

while you're falling, you dont exactly turn back to look at that fucking cliff, do you? you look forward...downwards. downwards to your so-called future. downwards to what you have to look forward to. downwards to the ground..the bottom of that fucking cliff. the last place you wanna be because you know it's not the place for you to be. downwards. where you're gonna land flat on your face with the joke finally on you. nobody there but you. nobody to listen but you. nobody to 'help carry that cross', so to speak. 

looking downwards, you dont really remember any of that cliff you fell off of. what did it look like? heck, how the fuck did i fall? there's no telling how many memories are lost in the process of falling. what....did i, slip? dont remember. dont remember the cool things on the cliff. the feeling of the wind in your hair standing on top of the cliff. and gosh, the view...simply breathtaking. but when you're falling, falling, falling..you dont think about the wind, your hair, OR the fucking breathtaking view. 

you think about, well, falling. 

falling 

falling...

and before you know it, you die before you even hit the ground.

ode to thayne

thaaaayne,

the paaaaaain,

insaaaaaaane :)

hahaaa just kidding, love ya!

p.s. weirdo

GAHHH!

fuck. shit. crap. FUCK! 

15 . 09 . 2008

FUCCCCCK!  

*cramcramcramcramcramcram*

*dropsdead*

in a nutshell.

dewa-rrraja!

stayed home and studied today. not done actually. ultra history baby. ughh i've had it up to HERE with all the pentadbiran/pemerintahan shit. BUT. it's not like i have a choice. 

so

goodbye :)

fuck this.

it's not like i dont try. i do, i swear. but what happens when the barrier doesnt seem to budge? what happens when whatever you do, you just CANT bloody focus anymore?? what happens when the odds are against you and there really doesnt seem to be a chance for everything to just 'magically' turn around for the better? 

what happens then?

honestly, i'm this close to giving up. i know it's my own fault/loss. i mean, no one's ever gonna see me as something else like this. i dont get how other people can see "WOW" and i just see "ugghh.." when i look in the mirror. not because of the outward appearance, but because of who i am. other people dont see me for who i am, and the scary part is, only i do. only i know what's gonna come outta me. only i know how hard i work. only i know what i can accomplish. i wish i could tell everyone else to stop getting their hopes up because i'm afraid they'll all be very sadly disappointed. i'd rather just disappoint myself and live with it then bring people down with me. at least they'd be happy even if i'm not. besides, i'm good at wearing masks. i've got all types.

 i just want them to see me for who i really am, and not some 'harapan bestari'.

this bites.

friggin SKID MARKS. seriously.

whatthehell! 

*crawls into necessary hiding* 

au revoir :((((

siiiiigh.

my skin's been quite bad lately. like, from the heat or maybe even stress? what puzzles me is that it never happens to me. bad skin, i mean. i dont mean to brag or anything but i have an impeccable complexion. 

or, well, HAD. :(

PLUS. there's a minor burn scar at the side of my face ( near my forehead/ear)-ish because of...

well it's kinda embarassing and bimbotic..

cos of me burning myself with the straightening iron.

i know i know. and no, it's not my first time using an iron. i guess i just sorta...missed? lol. *smacks self on head* anyway, so yeah there's a tiny burn line. thank god it isnt obvious as no one has noticed yet. 

on a SO-NOT happier note, trials start on the 15th. i think i'll be okay, really. it's just history that i gotta really concentrate on now. now that i actually GET chemistry, i'm a little more optimistic. just a little. a little.  

today at shool we camwhored a little with nik's camera. we're taking new yearbook pics cos the ones taken by the so-called professionals were apparently really bad. cik nor lezah doesnt know about our little plot so it's kinda being done....illegally. 

i feel like a crrrriminal! whee.

besides that, i'm kinda disappointed with my position in class this time around. it isnt THAT bad but it's PRETTY bad for me. i was pleasantly surprised tho that i got all A's besides add math. which i happened to have, well, failed. but yeah, all A's is good. its just the add math that pulled me down. ugh, i just wish this test MEANT something. too bad it doesnt. so no, i'm no brilliant child prodigy. one can dream tho. 

well, i should go hit the books now. heh.  

sad

was reading up on the lina joy case earlier. for no apparent reason, was just thinking about it. this is what was said regarding lina's appeal.

"We invite anyone who feels that they are aggrieved or victimized within the current system to choose other, less confrontational and controversial attempts towards change and reform."

less confrontational and controversial attempts?? do they seriously think that lina CHOSE deliberately to be controversial? it isnt her fault that THE SYSTEM screwed up thus causing controversy. anyway, CHANGE and REFORM is SUPPOSED TO BE CONTROVERSIAL! it would not be called change OR reform if it weren't. why? are they scared of a challenge? of a little controversy? if their foundation was strong in the first place (i.e. including systems that DO NOT screw people over), they probably would not have made such a pussy statement. 

it's like saying...'Oh, just whisper softly...softly you know..in the ear of any tom, dick or harry who will listen, the next time you want to make a change. that will suffice lah." 

yeah. it will definitely suffice to make it easier to cover up AND shut her up while they're at it. 

democracy, you say? well i've got news for you. this is NOT what i signed up for. 

geez, ENOUGH already, okay?

i was blog-hopping earlier, and i came across a blog where i found out that the supporters of the Dynamitez of SMK DJ were hurling rude remarks and demoralising insults at the Stunners All-girls of Sri KDU. 

during. the Stunners'. routine.

i mean, COME ON. i can totally relate to why the Stunners are so upset. i come from a private school too and i know how students from government schools look at us. and in our defence, i know SO MANY people from GOVERNMENT schools who play the part of the altruistic "spoiled brat" (as you people so eloquently phrase it) so much better than we do. let's get one thing straight here people. WE of THIS GENERATION are EQUAL. it DOESNT MATTER what TYPE of SCHOOLS we come from, what our FINANCIAL BACKGROUNDS might be like, we are all fucking EQUAL. 

you know why?

let me educate you.

this is because ..

our ATTITUDES do NOT DEPEND on WHERE we got to SCHOOL.

our ATTITUDES depend on the PEOPLE we GREW UP around.

our ATTITUDES depend on WHO our FRIENDS are.

our ATTITUDES depend on how MATURE we are.

our ATTITUDES depend on how SMART we are.

NOT

how RICH we are.

who DRIVES us around.

WHAT DRIVES us around.

how we SHOP.

where we GO ON HOLIDAY.

and FYI, not ALL students of private schools are rich, as you think they are. i'm most certainly not. so please, DO NOT assume. to go to private school does not mean you HAVE to be rich. it simply means you have the money to get by comfortably. there IS a difference between that and being rich. you see, there's 

COMFORTABLE

and there's 

RICH

see?

and being RICH is not a crime. i know rich people who are the nicest people in the world. many of them are actually. those who do not flaunt what they have. the humble ones. and i'm more than sure that they are students with more-than-steady financial backing at SMK DJ. so please, do not judge. you come from a reputable and admired school. yes, SMK DJ is ADMIRED by even PRIVATE SCHOOL STUDENTS. students like me. yes, i DO admire your school. the students. the accomplishments. truly, i do.

then you guys go and say things like that about the Stunners? 

i must say. i have a little less respect for you now.