lol

[22:29:16] Nirshad says: 

PiNk RuLeZ

it's not everyday something like that happens. well done, cousin. 

L O L

nooooooooo!

my mum. had. the Dior Cherie. and. she. gave. it. away.

sadness fills this room tonight :'(

happy birthday LL!

you're so far away. and i miss you like PHUCK. it ain't the same honey. 

Happy 17th, ham! 

*cue LL, "WOW an entire post for ME!"*

yeah, you're that special. hope you had truckloads of fun!

love you ham. looong time.

xx

 

bliss.

this feeling. like i can BREATHE again.

is bliss.

p.s. i need to shop before i drop!

whoooooopdeedoO!

okay so chem  kinda sucked royal arse. BUT. all is well in this world of mine.

i bet bet BET you wanna know why!!!

BECAUSE........ *giggles*

*giggles more!*

my babies arrived today ;)

aaaaaand...

!!!!!

lol. MUST LA camwhore a bit ;)

 clothesbucket!! *clickclick* 

air mata bergenang

there will ALWAYS be something waiting around the bend to make me cry when i just really, really have to focus and get something done. 

no shit, really. i'm really not exaggerating. 

always. 

and if God's testing me, i'm still standing. 

though i'm hanging on by a thread.

oh no.

feels like i'm falling into this endless ditch. slowly but surely. you know how when things fall, they start slow and then pick up in speed? simple physics, no? yes well, first you tip over that fucking cliff. then you actually realise that you're off that fucking cliff. then your heart tickles with the feeling of falling. 

faster, faster, faster. 

while you're falling, you dont exactly turn back to look at that fucking cliff, do you? you look forward...downwards. downwards to your so-called future. downwards to what you have to look forward to. downwards to the ground..the bottom of that fucking cliff. the last place you wanna be because you know it's not the place for you to be. downwards. where you're gonna land flat on your face with the joke finally on you. nobody there but you. nobody to listen but you. nobody to 'help carry that cross', so to speak. 

looking downwards, you dont really remember any of that cliff you fell off of. what did it look like? heck, how the fuck did i fall? there's no telling how many memories are lost in the process of falling. what....did i, slip? dont remember. dont remember the cool things on the cliff. the feeling of the wind in your hair standing on top of the cliff. and gosh, the view...simply breathtaking. but when you're falling, falling, falling..you dont think about the wind, your hair, OR the fucking breathtaking view. 

you think about, well, falling. 

falling 

falling...

and before you know it, you die before you even hit the ground.

ode to thayne

thaaaayne,

the paaaaaain,

insaaaaaaane :)

hahaaa just kidding, love ya!

p.s. weirdo

GAHHH!

fuck. shit. crap. FUCK! 

15 . 09 . 2008

FUCCCCCK!  

*cramcramcramcramcramcram*

*dropsdead*

in a nutshell.

dewa-rrraja!

stayed home and studied today. not done actually. ultra history baby. ughh i've had it up to HERE with all the pentadbiran/pemerintahan shit. BUT. it's not like i have a choice. 

so

goodbye :)

fuck this.

it's not like i dont try. i do, i swear. but what happens when the barrier doesnt seem to budge? what happens when whatever you do, you just CANT bloody focus anymore?? what happens when the odds are against you and there really doesnt seem to be a chance for everything to just 'magically' turn around for the better? 

what happens then?

honestly, i'm this close to giving up. i know it's my own fault/loss. i mean, no one's ever gonna see me as something else like this. i dont get how other people can see "WOW" and i just see "ugghh.." when i look in the mirror. not because of the outward appearance, but because of who i am. other people dont see me for who i am, and the scary part is, only i do. only i know what's gonna come outta me. only i know how hard i work. only i know what i can accomplish. i wish i could tell everyone else to stop getting their hopes up because i'm afraid they'll all be very sadly disappointed. i'd rather just disappoint myself and live with it then bring people down with me. at least they'd be happy even if i'm not. besides, i'm good at wearing masks. i've got all types.

 i just want them to see me for who i really am, and not some 'harapan bestari'.

this bites.

friggin SKID MARKS. seriously.

whatthehell! 

*crawls into necessary hiding* 

au revoir :((((

siiiiigh.

my skin's been quite bad lately. like, from the heat or maybe even stress? what puzzles me is that it never happens to me. bad skin, i mean. i dont mean to brag or anything but i have an impeccable complexion. 

or, well, HAD. :(

PLUS. there's a minor burn scar at the side of my face ( near my forehead/ear)-ish because of...

well it's kinda embarassing and bimbotic..

cos of me burning myself with the straightening iron.

i know i know. and no, it's not my first time using an iron. i guess i just sorta...missed? lol. *smacks self on head* anyway, so yeah there's a tiny burn line. thank god it isnt obvious as no one has noticed yet. 

on a SO-NOT happier note, trials start on the 15th. i think i'll be okay, really. it's just history that i gotta really concentrate on now. now that i actually GET chemistry, i'm a little more optimistic. just a little. a little.  

today at shool we camwhored a little with nik's camera. we're taking new yearbook pics cos the ones taken by the so-called professionals were apparently really bad. cik nor lezah doesnt know about our little plot so it's kinda being done....illegally. 

i feel like a crrrriminal! whee.

besides that, i'm kinda disappointed with my position in class this time around. it isnt THAT bad but it's PRETTY bad for me. i was pleasantly surprised tho that i got all A's besides add math. which i happened to have, well, failed. but yeah, all A's is good. its just the add math that pulled me down. ugh, i just wish this test MEANT something. too bad it doesnt. so no, i'm no brilliant child prodigy. one can dream tho. 

well, i should go hit the books now. heh.  

sad

was reading up on the lina joy case earlier. for no apparent reason, was just thinking about it. this is what was said regarding lina's appeal.

"We invite anyone who feels that they are aggrieved or victimized within the current system to choose other, less confrontational and controversial attempts towards change and reform."

less confrontational and controversial attempts?? do they seriously think that lina CHOSE deliberately to be controversial? it isnt her fault that THE SYSTEM screwed up thus causing controversy. anyway, CHANGE and REFORM is SUPPOSED TO BE CONTROVERSIAL! it would not be called change OR reform if it weren't. why? are they scared of a challenge? of a little controversy? if their foundation was strong in the first place (i.e. including systems that DO NOT screw people over), they probably would not have made such a pussy statement. 

it's like saying...'Oh, just whisper softly...softly you know..in the ear of any tom, dick or harry who will listen, the next time you want to make a change. that will suffice lah." 

yeah. it will definitely suffice to make it easier to cover up AND shut her up while they're at it. 

democracy, you say? well i've got news for you. this is NOT what i signed up for.