i need.

i need something to do.

i need someplace to go.

i need someone who gets it.

i need to feel like it's not always me.

i need to look and find things that make sense.

i need to stop my habit of wishful thinking.

i need to rely more on something bigger than me.

i need to cry and cry and cry.

i need that shoulder.

i need to stop crying.

i need to fight for personal independance.

i need to quit fighting the damn system.

i need to be less afraid.

i need to learn to love.

i need to learn to forgive.

i need to want to forgive.

i need to stop acting because the costume REALLY itches...




....in this life that is nowadays too fucked up for words.

DAMN it's been long.

i know i know. it's been AGES. but yeah i've been quite preoccupied with school and exams and all that jazz so i couldn't really blog much. ok fine, at all. there have been lots of things happening lately! one of them being my ability to talk to neera in uk online (i thought at first i wouldn't be able to. her schedule and all) so i found out that she's in musical heaven (wish i was there!) and also celeb heaven! yeah yeah. keira knightley was there and christian slater and dustin hoffman and kelly osbourne. she saw michael caine at the airport as well. AND i now know that a siew pau in london is rm7. one siew pau. tim perreau would SO not be able to survive there!


besides that, a few of us performed for fr.mitchel's birthday party the other day. some of us (gifford, primo, sheyna, LEON, belle, dhayang, and i) did a few of the witness songs. and some of us (megan, mae, jacq, kristie, SHERWIN, and i) did grrrrease lightning! you know, the dance. duh.

mind you, LEON is in caps because he's the vocal prodigy of the group and manyMANYMANY groups, i'm sure. and SHERWIN is in caps cos well, he's a dood. and not all doods would dance to grrrease lightning with 5 other girls okay? takes some serious balls man. respect brotha!


did i just say brotha?



anyway. mooooving on. HAHA. i found out the other day that thaddeus' sister does not eat lamb because she loves sheep. omg la how cute is that? she eats beef tho cos apparently, and i quote from thad, "cows are stupid". lol. she does in fact have a sheepskin rug (the one like mine).

so i ask.

me : so she loves sheep but she has a sheepskin rug??
thad : yeah la cos you dont kill it what you only shave the fella!
me : ...oh yeah.


hmmm. besides that what else happened?

oh yeah. been doing yearbook editing for the pass two days. it's cool la, got to learn loads about photoshop. (dont feel like such a noob anymore!) but it has its downsides la. like, a headache the size of pahang and johor put together at the end of the day. gosh. the yearbook bettr be one HELLUVA YEARBOOK this year! i've yet to learn how to create layouts and all tho. i gotta get my own photoshop for that. and for THAT to happen, i have to get my M-A-C! which brings us to the next hot topic.

mum promised to get me a macbook soon since i gotta learn photoshop and get skype and the whole enchilada. you might ask...why not get skype on this old computer? well. i cant. simply because, my laptop is SO FULL OF STUFF that i CANNOT DELETE like my school stuff, pekas, songs, pictures and whatnot so if i install skype, it'll just completely crash. ask anyone, my hair grows faster than my computer loads. seriously doods. so yeah. i need bigger, better, new and improved, completely re-booted MEMORY! and cool stuff that comes with a mac too la duh. so NOW, due to the whole worlds' master conspiracy to crush my dreams, i'll probably only get it in december. thats worst case senario la. I HOPE.

i know i know, you must be thinking oooh spoilt BRAT! but nooooooo noooooo..i'm really hoping to get it by mid november somewhat like the original plan. no wait..the original plan was like..october. hence the dream crushing drama. sighighigh. nevermind! well well well..hmm what else? oh yeah i've fallen for another phone. (not to say i'm not still in love with mine but lets just say i'm cheating on it, shall we?)

it's the nokia n76! in red!

i'm lazy to put the picture lah so just google it if you want kay? yeah it's a girly girl phone. the red one la. it has like a sort of mirror on the front. ain't that just awesome, girls? JUST what we need ;) seriously. well it looks a lot like the razr but i've always liked the razr so whattheheck! its nokia! its just like heaven! i want it but i dont know if i'd get it. mum said put it on my christmas list and maybe someone or some people would like to pitch in and get me one. wishful wishful thinking yet weirdly realistic. or maybe it's just my OTT positive and optimistic view on the topic.


that's been the life lately. not too bad. nottttt complaining. about any of the above la :) that's all for now. goodnight!!



oh yeah random thought, i think fuck-me-boots are kinda cool. i'd never wear them tho. hehe.