simplement moi

it'll be the death of me.

2009-05-11T17:04:00.002+08:00

SAM, i mean.

it felt as if i took my first breath of the day at like..12.45pm or so? after handing in my psych report and movie review.

exams are a heartbeat away and i'm not even close to being prepared cos of unnecessary obstacles. four days of hell and then i'm OFF! so excited. and so, so scared shitless.

help! :'(

the great comeback

2009-05-07T17:33:00.002+08:00

yes, i'm alive. i'm truly sorry for the lack of updates but i've been crazy busy+helplessly uninspired for the past.. well..10 years during which i've been on hiatus. so. what's been going on, you ask?

well. let me break it down for ya.

testsassignmentshomeworkmoretestsassignmentshomeworkextremelackofsleepexcessiveeatingtests andmoreassignments.

oh and homework. yeah, in a nutshell la.

SO. now you must be wondering what the spaghetti&meatballs i'm doing here, but let me assure you that i'm a little more free now. for..now.

my four-year old cousin just drew a self-portrait. HAH! it looks like a fierce hybrid of a girl and a demented scarecrow but hey, she's four so all is forgiven. i'll post the picture on facebook if i can. it's hilarious.

tomorrow is black&red day at college so we're all wearing those colours and i'm painting my nails black and red alternating. we're also watching the remainder of the devil wears prada for psych class tomorrow, for our movie analysis.

on a more serious note, (not that i wasnt being serious before, i was! especially about the nails :p) i've had a little issue on my mind lately.

lol, yes i'm sharing it so THERE'S NO ESCAPING ME! muahaahaaaa.

well, it's quite amazing really how people you think you know just turn out to be great disappointments. i mean, you think you share a real special bond&friendship but you turn around for one second, and find them waltzing off into the sunset without you when you turn back. makes me think, am i really THAT forgettable? cos based on what i know, i'm most certainly not. i make it a point to make people i care about feel that they are important in my life at all times. i DID. over and over. and what did i get in return? being taken for granted, that's what.

sigh.

you know? i really dont want to think that all the time i spent in the past fostering the friendship and watering the plants of alliance that we shared was all..a waste. sure, it was a helluva time while it lasted but whats all that if its nothing when time and distance is not on our side? PFFT, that's what. so i dont think i'm going to try anymore. cos i've been hurt over&over and besides, i'm the ONLY one who's EVER trying. and keeping a friendship alive&kicking is a two-way thing, last time i checked. i know you've moved on. but then again, we all have. and you dont see us (me) stop trying.

but look closely now, and you'll see that i already have.

zomg.

2009-03-04T22:19:00.002+08:00

DRIVING TEST IS TOMORROW!

pray i pass :O

got a text from YM saying 'think-you did not go there to fail.'

and that is so true. boosted my mojo a little. thanks YM! :)

sigh. i better pass.

wish me LUCK!

a tribute to the BUM of all bums.

2009-03-02T17:15:00.006+08:00

ohEMGEE! danial bumbummm's going down under on THURSDAY! :'(

i dont have a picture of you and me in my computer. which SUCKS so bad! sigh. oh well. i'll put one up if i find one, miraculously.

ohhhhh danial, having you around ALL these years has been just one big laugh (emphasis on BIG. cos well, you know why *winkwink*)

HAIYO. your BUM la. haha.

anyway, i'm glad to have had fun and sometimes not so fun times with you throughout the years. and i assure you there will be MANY years to come. i'm so excited that you're going to do what you love&know, as you have mentioned, and i'm happy you have that vision and goal for yourself as many people dont.

so yeah, i'd smack you so hard for not telling me sooner that you're leaving THIS FUGGIN THURSDAY but for now, lets just leave it at this.

make sure you keep in touch. but i know you will, cos you looooove me and you'll miss my hoxxie-ness to much ;) i'll see you in no time, and we'll PARTAY!

mwwaaah bumbum. lurrve you! xoxo

p/s I think i might just miss your pick-up lines more than what i'd bargained for. sigh, classic.

-EDIT-

i found one!

restless and reckless.

2009-02-19T18:41:00.002+08:00

i need to get out of here. before i bite the heads off of every.single.person.in this house. is it not enough that i got my fair share of shit yesterday? sometimes i feel like if i wasnt in a certain place, no one would even know the difference. so what's the point? i'd rather just be left alone then have 'had dinner with'. puhlease. its not like you even give a damn. i just need to be alone. and i need to cry till there's not an ounce of self-pity left in this hole where my heart used to be.

it fell, you see. and no one's picking it up anytime soon. unless by some sort of miracle it finds its way back. on the other hand, i'm thinking..should i really be surprised and upset? shouldn't i already be used to this kind of hurt? should i not have seen this coming? well. i really should have seen this coming. nothing is this good to be true, not in this thing called my life. again, unless by some sort of miracle..

miracles.

i just wish i'd have had a less drastic trip down from cloud9. cos honestly, having your heart ripped right out and being tossed all the way back down to earth isnt exactly the way i'd have had it. is it so wrong for something good like this to happen to me, just once in a while? for some reason, is apparently is. i cant wait. to get out. and to get away. to make my OWN decisions and lead my OWN life.

i know, a few years down the road i'll be complaining about the responsibilities of leading my own life, bla bla bla. that, i do not deny. but who cares right now about a few years down the road? certainly not me. cos i care about now. about how i get through my life as i know it. and oh how god knows i need to get through it. making something better of my life is something i'm not going to give up on. i'm not saying i dont have it good, i know i do.

i've only had..enough.

i'm not a bonsai, i'm just missing nutrients!

2009-02-18T16:16:00.002+08:00

psych test tmrw. EEK! i so have to study a lot today. but its after my break, so that's not too bad. oh, steph and i are going to the gym on saturday! we're gonna burn 'em carbs.

i know this is a sad excuse for a blog update. but..i have to go shower. and. study. and. fantasize of yummy food which i wont get to eat anytime soon. so yeah.

my hands, my hands, my, uh, my.

2009-02-17T17:49:00.003+08:00

i ate a deutsche dooooodle dang today :)

say it. doooodle dang!

this one's for jo :)

2009-02-09T22:20:00.002+08:00

okay, i dont have much to blog about now. lacking inspiration and overflowing with writer's block. so i will blog about...

how jo is, and i QUOTE, awesome and NOT cool, but then again is also cool, just that being awesome precedes being cool.

lol JUST KIDDING jo, i'm not going to BLOG about that. as much as you would like me to. i'm going to blog about..

RANDOM FUN FACTS! *screams*

1. it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 0.0

2. donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. (LOL)

3. the plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.

4. a snail can sleep for 3 years. (lol just imagine a snail waking up and going, "hmmmmmm agnes, *yaaawns* what did i miss?")

5. the electric chair was invented by a dentist.

6. no word in the dictionary rhymes with 'month'.

7. donald duck comics were banned from finland cos he didnt wear pants.

8. coca cola was originally green. (copper cola?)

9. if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

10. in sweden, there is a ski-thru mcdonalds.

hope you were entertained with a little more reading material, jo. will try to update more often. with..ahem..substance. lol.

xoxo

the solution, of the gradient, of the tangent, of the curve.

2009-02-03T16:26:00.003+08:00

was what we did in math today.

had an easy day of classes today (cos there's no malaysian studies on tuesdays) but still, i could seriously deteriorate alive in english class.

it. is. SO. dull.

and we dont even have any lit! which SUCKS! ugh. well, i dont know if we're gonna...but i highly doubt it. tis in this class where i have perfected the art of sleeping with my eyes opened. tis a skill. had lunch with HB3 today. tomorrow we're eating with bryan and wendy cos we have to do our psych group meeting.

OH! i saw ym's new phone todaaaaay! it's to DIE for. i'm so getting it.

is the image a bit small? sorry. SQUINT! teeheee.

i am in love.

i've been saving for quite a while now, so i should be getting it sometime before the middle of the year. hopefully. but i'm still on the fence.

mum picked me up after college. and she hadnt had lunch so we went to fogal meat market and she had a salad. at. a meat market. lol.

* i will not disclose publicly what happened, if you wanna know just ask*

left after that (mum bought pies and sausages) and went to this DVD shop. bought PS I Love You!!!! and and and No Reservations (Cath Zeta-Jones and Aaron sexbomb Eckhart) and mum bought some others too. oh yeah, i'm also strangely injured/in pain today. got up and went to college in the morning and my neck's been hurting like a bitch since then. i probably slept wrongly. PLUS i've had a splitting headache since...sometime early in the day too. ugh. mystery injury and pain in head still there, by the way. what i'm doing sitting here in front of the computer remains a mystery to me.

oh and on the way home, there was a minor jam before the traffic lights. this A-Class A-Hole HONKS till the cows came home, out of sheer impatience. when i say honks, i mean...one of those superlongeverlastinghonksthatmakeyougolikeOMGLASHADDAP!

like HELLO! we're all stuck here TOO! what do you expect, all of us to magically disappear at the euphonious sound of your horn?! order a damn brain with a side dish of patience, why dont you. and that's not it, OH no. the mofo had to go and show his finger to this poor innocent lady for NO reason. i mean, we were all stuck in the same situation. it was NOBODY'S fault. just plain congestion. haiyo. seriously la.

yeah.

so came home after that episode, and popped two actifasts for the head.

and actifast MY BUM. they're not workinggngngngng!

to make you feel my love

2009-02-02T17:13:00.003+08:00

is a good song. i highly recommend it.

woke up at around 11.30am today. did math in bed. lol. i've decided that it's the best way imaginable to do math. relaxed, so NOT stressing out over it. math in bed for like almost 2 hours (yay me!) and then decided to stop. ihad like four questions left by then. got outta bed, had a shower and collapsed back onto said bed with my ipod and hoodie. felt so good, fresh outta the shower listening to good music. aahh.

in the midst of my relaxed bliss, adri called for lunch. so got up, got ready and left at around 2.30pm. went to secret recipe, amin joined us. went home after the late lunch and watched some one tree hill. heh. math still awaiting.

OH. then i thought i was going crazy.

while i was at my computer, i thought i heard like...a tune playing.

sort of...far away, in the distance..

i dismissed it at first. a few seconds later, i heard it again. i honestly thought i was joining the likes of the rest of my family, going falalabanananas. it was so creeepy. like, in a quiet room, imagine hearing a soft, melodious tune. positively haunting, right?! so i turned around. it was coming from that direction..

- _______________________-

i'd left my iPod on. i'm a fucking CHAMPION sometimes, i tell you.

i laughed at my momentary stupidity and turned it off.

oh well. at least i know i'm still the sane one in the family.

*flashes big grin*

i'm going for prayers tonight. it's been a long time since i've been to uncle bob's place. oh how i've missed monday nights there. glad to be getting back into that routine, before i got all stressed out about SPM. speaking of SPM, resluts are out March 12th. i'm not really anxious anymore..seeing as how i've already started college and am in a whole different ball game altogether. but, a little apprehensive nonetheless. so...pray for me people! not long now :S

okay, i'd better go finish up my math now, before i lose my momentum.

now THAT, my dears, would be an absolute calamityyy.

---- edit----

done with maaath. or at least, done with all the questions i know how to answer.

was so overcome with joy, took some pictures.

something's f-ing with my system.

2009-02-01T16:46:00.002+08:00

i've been eating all day. ALL. friggin'. DAY. i ate loh shi fun in the morning. then came home and slept for a while. went out again. didn't eat, so i thought i was okay.

oh HELL how i was mistaken.

came back, ate lunch. that's still okay. THEN. i ate

mameemonsterandcheezelsANDoreowaferrollsandGODDAMIT.

sweets.

i think these are withdrawal symptoms along with the effects of having the..'aiyo i could be happier lah, okay' syndrome. sigh.

i feel gross. i'm so not having dinner.

going to watch the AO finals now. fed-nadal baby! also, i'm a bit relaxed cos there isnt as much of math as i thought there was. so...TEEHEE. *slackslackslackslackEAT*

to TMR - sigh.

i am happy.

2009-01-27T14:34:00.002+08:00

It’s not that unusual
When everything is beautiful.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

It seems so exceptional

That things just work out after all.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

things are looking up. all we have to do is keep praying that it stays there.

love story.

2009-01-22T23:51:00.004+08:00

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult, but it's real,

Don't be afraid

We'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story baby just say yes ~

is all i have to say right now.

lovebug

2009-01-21T16:43:00.003+08:00

i've got the orientation party tomorrow. and i dont know what to wear (what else is new?). gah. anyway, college was okay today. didnt have chem cos our lecturer got her lunch times mixed up. LOL. that happened for math yesterday too. so yeah, free period. OMG i totally fell asleep in malaysian studies. for like 2 seconds la. yee mung woke me up. heh. then at math i was like zzzzzzzzzzz kinda sleepy and ms pravin knew so she made me do a math question on the board to wake me up.

it woke me up alright. luckily i didnt embarrass myself by not knowing how to do it.

i still remain on the fence on who to vote for. for student council positions.

maybe i wont vote at all. whee!

yes, very short post. i know. but i art sleepy.

Now I'm speechless over the edge

I'm just breathless

I never thought that I'd catch

This lovebug again~

gah!

2009-01-20T15:39:00.001+08:00

i would like to formally announce that..

MY FAMILY'S GONE FALALA-BANANANAS!

and THAT, my dears, is a fact.

i'm going out today. before i join the likes of my family. i prefer to remain one of the sane members.

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance

Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

xx catch ya'll later!

the sob story of phosphorus

2009-01-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

okay yeah, ignore the title. lol. it's just...something i was thinking about. not really worth putting into words.

had a relatively okay day today. wasnt too sleepy towards the end of classes. haha. i feel as if the bonds of friendship in HB3 are definitely blooming at a quicker pace. which is excellent news, btw. even bryan seems so much more comfortable being surrounded by 12 girls all day. everyday. hmm. now tell me again why he wouldnt be? ;) today before psych some of my classmates decided to switch all the lights off so that they could jump out and scare everyone who walked into class. so they then came up with the idea of scaring ms cheryl when she walked in.

it was an immense success. bravo HB3!

psych was fun today. since it's monday madness we had an activity. we each had to find a partner (out of our comfort zone) and sit really close facing each other and staaaaaare into each others' eyes. my partner was jia huey. she's hilariously adorable. OH i forgot to mention, during all of this, we had to write down whatever came to our minds while staaaaaring into our partners' eyes. mhmm. interesting outcome.

also, many candidates for student council were campaigning by putting up interesting posters like EVERYWHERE of themselves. no active campaigning at all. yet. maybe there will be tomorrow, i dont know. i dont even know who to vote for :P was supposed to go for the dance club meeting today after classes but i had no transport home after so i just went home straight after classes :( that's okay tho, mei yen went. she'll tell me about it tomorrow. ms cheryl is the advisor as well so that's pretty cool. and apparently the dance club is like performing at our party on thursday. hip to the hop, yo. hope it's good. i dont really wanna do hip hop tho, i'd rather take up jazz. it's more of a challenge. and it's new. never really gone into jazz before.

i hear news on there being latin too!

ooh and there's a yoga club. thinking thinking of joining joining. but...we'll see. it could be good for me, this year especially. got lots, and i mean LOTS, of calming down and excessive breathing to do. siiigh. i thought the united nations club thing would be interesting but it isnt really my thing. lots of debating and stuff. i prefer a less stressful/not-SO-much-use-of-the-brain kinda ECA. lol. that sounded quite bimbotic. i mean, not that i dont wanna use my brain la it's just that i use it so much during class now (more than i used to in school. eek.) and so i'd prefer something more fun and light to do for ECA la.

geez. is that sooo wrong? :(

so yeah, thinking about all that now la. we get to choose our clubs at the party on thursday too. apparently food is sponsored by TGIF! i hope it isnt just a rumour. heehee. OH OH! ate at joe's corner kopitiam today. definitely going back :) verrrry the good price and verrry the good food.

ack. i'd better go check BB7 now for notes and study a bit. ciao bellas!

the list. oh GOD, the list.

2009-01-18T19:01:00.000+08:00

sunday, end of the weekend. or in reality, the start of the week. why do some people consider sunday the end of the weekend and some, the start of the week? i suppose it's just the effect of sunday on different types of people. for example. say there's Group A of people and Group B of people. the A people spend their sundays recovering from the weekend and preparing for monday. no nonsense. the B people go out, have fun with friends and family, just as they would on well, saturday. no difference.

perspectives.

got me thinking. (yes, i DO have the brain capacity)

how does one mark the end of a chapter in ones' life, and the beginning of another? now, THAT'S the million dollar question. i have come to a conclusion now that a chapter of my life has come to a certain close. but how (okay this post is gonna be filled with questions so bear with me LAH) do i sort of...kickstart on this new chapter? what decisions do i have to make? what about myself do i have to alter? it's like starting a new week. i'm a Group B person so the start of the week to me is SO monday. so, it's as if i'm at the foot of a new week. leaving last week behind and dreaming, only dreaming, of next week. the questions above would be so easily answered if it's put into this point of view.

how do i kickstart the new week?

by waking up early, not rushing/getting stressed about going late for class. by being prepared and being happy and not mopey and emo.

what decisions do i have to make throughout the week?

to do with time management, whether or not to stay in or go out, how i spend my money, etc.

what about myself do i have to alter to have a successful week?

my laziness. 'nuff said.

well, and shooting my mouth off.

yeah. see? so simple. so clear. but we're talking a whole new chapter in life. obviously it isnt that simple. and that's what sucks. cos we dont know the possible characteristics, the outline or structure of this chapter as we do the week. we dont know..the ending either.

which is sad. and scary. and which makes you look up the word un-fucking-predictable on dictionary.com.

this chapter is going to be something like a chapter of my life never was before. now that i know for a fact. and here are a few things i'm planning for my new chapter so that i wont be so completely lost in it.

1. i'm going to work hard in college. like i never did in school. i need to get into a good uni.

2. i'm going to successfully curb my laziness. which isnt going to be easy since it has it's own fucking personality and zip code.

3. i'm going to make a lot of new friends (that's already in the process) and meet a lot of new people. to improve my people skills.

4. i'm going to get more fit. (steph, GYM!)

5. on a lighter note, i'm going to get a tattoo.

6. i'm going to learn (from megan, my financial advisor) to skimp. big time.

7. i'm going to get the cybershot T-700 in hot pink ( hopefully with part of my own money. or all. if that's technically possible)

8. i'm going to turn 18 with a bang so 'happening' you could hear it in the artic region. and in certain parts of mars.

9. i'm going to start my christmas shopping EARLY so i wouldnt be rushing like a headless chicken. as mum often quotes.

10. i'm going to try to reason with...complications. i'm going to try, okay? i'm not saying i can. but a part of me wants this too and hopefully, that part will dominate.

so yes. by the end of this chapter, i will surely/hopefully have checked off all/most of the things on that list. hence now commences the start of the newest chapter of my life.

welcome.

I'd take another chance, take a fall

Take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat

But that's nothing new ~

this is my favourite verse, btw ;)

i want to die.

2009-01-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

seriously.

Sippin' wine, Killin' time.

2009-01-14T17:51:00.000+08:00

first off, i'd like to establish that..

1) i think Noddy and his toy friends should go jump of a toy cliff.

2) and DIE. preferably.

3) there is a rubber duck (!?!?!??!!) stuck on the bathroom wall.

ah. now that i've got that off my chest, i will continue with my post for today. i have a feeling the quality of my spoken english is slowly deteriorating. which like so cannot happen. not like my english is SO perfect but still, i like to think i have an exceptionally good conduct of the language. and i think my standards are dropping. it's just, i hear myself speak to some of my friends (those of whom do not speak english the way i'd like them to) and it's as if...i sound LIKE them. maybe it's like me psychologically trying to go down to their level just for that conversation. i mean, dude. if i turn out speaking like some of my friends do, hell i'd totally dig my own grave. willingly.

as in i'd like VOLUNTEER.

nothing mind-blowingly interesting happened today. went to class early. not that i'm always late it's just that i was pretty late yesterday due to the unforeseen insane jam. seriously. had bio in the morning. thennnnnn we had psych (OMG i seriously have to learn many things on my own la) and theeeennnn we had chem. went for lunch after that with yee mung and chung wye. we ate 1901 hotdogs. so filling. gaahh. then we went back for our "talk" on the i-Zone and the Blackboard 7 stuff and the library. lol. most people were like facebook-ing throughout the talk. it's a good thing the computers are arranged in a way where no one can really see what everyone else is doing. after the talk we had malaysian studies. mr. william PILED on the assignments, no joke. he took away one assignment la cos the majority decided that 3 would SO suffice.

i mean, it's MALAYSIAN STUDIES. take a chill pill man.

anyway, this is one of the assignments we have to do.

ahem ahem.

1) create a music CD with a cover and a poster to match, with the theme 'Unity'

2) COMPOSE, WRITE and fuckin' PERFORM an ORIGINAL fuckin' song as a group presentation. to the theme 'Unity'.

whooooopdeedoo!

well, we DO have till like, march. so i guess the time frame is just dandy. *insert profanity*

was so sleepy towards the end of classes. learnt to use my calculator today. the one that burnt a hole in our pockets. it's pretty cool. i'm so gonna use it for like everything. since it cost how much it cost, i'd better make the MOST use out of it. i'd use it to like...plot random graphs throughout the day.

Lazyness against Amount of Food Intake.

Sleepiness against Amount of Food Intake.

Offmyrocker-ness against Excessive Noddy and Friends Input.

yeah, i think i'll do that. then the calculator would actually be closer to being worth what i paid for it.

heh.

The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago

It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes

And things we're all too young to know ~

the fire you ignited.

2009-01-13T18:51:00.000+08:00

i have a feeling i'm in deeeeeeep shit. hmm. ah well, i'm in a risky frisky mood. who knows how long i'm gonna be on this high. and how far the fall's gonna be.

ouch.

on a lighter note, college is going well. so far. i hope i dont jinx it. it's actually quite relaxed, nothing like school. tho everyone says to me, " OoooOoOooOohhh you start at 8.30 and end at like 4??? go back to school lah!"

bite me.

YOU try cramming YOUR programme into 11 months and THEN come talk to me. like, serially ;) anyway, no reason to get worked up. i have good food everyday. there is one thing to get worked up about tho. such as my current and rather sudden investment in winter clothing. the building is fuggin freeeeeezing man. but its central. with hartamas shopping center. so there's kinda nothing much we can do about it. gaaah! i'll get used to it i suppose. i bet i could now sleep naked in a snowstorm and live to tell the tale. i kid you not.

went to school (SSB) after college to watch and help with the cheer auditions. was pleasantly surprised at the the talent this year, compared to the talent last year. or lack thereof. AHEM. aaaanyway, the new ones seem pretty into the spirit so we're all quite optimistic. was sooooo nice seeing all the Falcons '08 cheerleaders. memmmmorrriiieeeesss :) i got a lotta hugs too. heee. saw a few teachers as well. i miss everything so so much.

well, that was basically my day.

I want you to know

With everything I won't let this go

These words are my heart and soul

I'll hold on to this moment you know

As I bleed my heart out to show

And I won't let go ~

phosphodiester bond

2009-01-08T18:14:00.000+08:00

classes started today. had chem in the morning. was almost....too good to be true. then we had ESL and had like this group activity. was quite interesting. and. funny.

did you know that in South African english, a traffic light is referred to as a 'robot'?

HAH. neither did i. so in a way, it was pretty informative. after that we thought we had a free period since LAN hasnt started but noooooooooooo, we had a talk on good first impressions. learnt that there are many types of handshakes which signify different things. ask me one day, i'll show you. quite cool. then after the talk was our break. went to eat at a different mamak today. but i prefer the other one. this one's too....crowded. and poor yee mung's not used to mamak overload so tomorrow we'll probably eat somewhere else. lol. after our break we went back to class for psych. psych was fun. ish. our lecturer is quite cool. she's young and i guess she relates to us more. she gave us the assessment breakdown and then we had this group activity. we had to pick a movie to analyse based on four psychological factors. we chose dark night. daaaaaaark night. pretty psycho so it fit really well. and theeeen we had the last period which was bio. hence my nerd-ish title. hehh. ask me what THAT is :) i can tell yooou :))))

shut up thayne, i know you know. hmmph.

life.

2009-01-04T02:18:00.000+08:00

when things go wrong, when you get sad or when you get mad, people say

hey. that's life.

when you get hurt, when being treated unfairly, people say

hey. that's life.

when everyone seems to be fine and you're the only sinking ship, people say

hey. that's life.

it's life. there's no running away. there's no hiding out or avoiding. as much as you just want to be left the hell alone, it wont happen. it's life. i have to admit that i hate what's happening. i dread the future because i know i'm going off-track. so off-track that i might not even recognise myself somewhere down the road. now even, i've started seeing someone else in the mirror. i cant tell yet whether or not it's for the better or for the worse. but it's definitely different. i'm different. more brazen, more rebellious.

rebellious. a word i thought would never describe me.

but sometimes, to make a point, rebellion is quite necessary. and god knows i have to make this point.

if it's the last fucking thing i do.

christmas

2008-12-27T01:07:00.000+08:00

yes. christmas.

nothing much to say about it really, for once.

yes. quite pathetic.

anyway, i cleaned my room today (YAY me!) and it's looking a lot better. no, really. mum made me cos we're having guests on sunday so my room "has to be presentable and cleeean" ugh. so yeah, cleaned it. all by myself. sigh. just finished lunch today when azlieff called.

"okay okay come out now!"

"huh?? what are you talking about?"

"come out now! faster! we're outside!"

*peers out the window*

"haiyo you guys ahhh.."

went to change and we (amin, azlieff and i) went to secret recipe cos azlieff hadn't eaten. lepak-ed for a while and then amin sent me home. they told me all about the pondan adventures. lol. and gossip! heeee. got home and was supposed to continue cleaning but i fell asleep instead. woke up just in the nick of time (moments before mum stepped through the door) and made it as if i'd been cleaning all that time. haha. give the girl an oscar!

aunty uma and ashwini came over for dinner. went to my grandma's house after that and all of us chatted till about 11pm. came home and aunty uma left. twas a relatively "okay" day.

didnt feel 'it' quite so much today.

84th post

2008-12-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

it's not exactly a bombastic number but, heh.

sang today at one utama. i think they sang better at one world tho. i have to say, they sang

SO.

EFFING.

WELL.

at one world. i'm sad that i wasnt a part of that performance. argh. siiiigh. aanyway, after that i went to le meridien for mum's and aunty lili's birthday dinner organised by aunty lc and uncle tow.

OH.

MY.

EFFING.

GOSH.

it's a restaurant call al-naufourah (i think), arabian/moroccan restaurant. the food was

SO.

BLOODY.

ORGASMIC.

especially the creme brulee-ish thing that eventhough i was stuffed to the bloody brim i still managed to put away. yay me. at that point i was thinking...'shit, i'm soooo not eating for two weeks'.

haha, yeah right. food is the one thing i'd never give up. like ever.

EVER.

so yeah there were these awesome dips and stuff. i love dips. dips rock my socks. as dinner went on, the birthday girls proceeded to cutting the cake and the everyone exchanged christmas presents (yes, early i know. but we dont see each other for christmas so YEAHH) and we all got some pretty cool things.

oh there was a skinny-as-HELL bellydancer. so skinny. SO so skinny. like, her abdomen viewed from the side is as thin as my macbook.

bitch.

good bellydancer tho. heh.

okay, i'm gonna go now. more updates soon.

p/s : your battery dying mid-sentence was SO NOT funny. grr.

wild child.

2008-12-08T00:25:00.000+08:00

good movie! i liked it. hilarious at some parts. saw it with..

THAAAAAYNE! he's HOOOOOME! *big big smile*

p/s : who said i wasnt enthusiastic/ acknowledging your presence? now the entire world wide web knows ;)

got this off LL. just thought i'd humour me.

2008-12-04T14:11:00.000+08:00

What Lailazechariah Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. (lol i wish!)
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are usually the best at everything (???!) ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.
But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

ehmagaawwd.

2008-12-04T02:59:00.000+08:00

it is 3 am. i cannot sleep. went to bed at like 1o pm. read for a bit, finished my book. started another one. got a bit sick of words. just sorta lay there pathetically, thinking about stuff. deleted stuff from my phone. carried on with the laying-there-like-a-pathetic-idiot sequence.

and here i am.

i'm not even SLEEPY! what the hell is up with my body clock! at first i thought the reason i couldnt sleep was because i was afraid of having a bad dream. but HELLO BRAIN! I'M SO NOT AFRAID ANYMORE! TIME TO SHUT DOWN! hmmph. come on man. honestly. it's not cool.

i think i cant sleep because i'm thinking too much. yeah, thats probably it. eventful day, see. it's gonna take a while for things to sort of...ease. but still, no reason to keep me awake, eh conscience? please quit being a bitch, do me a fucking solid, and let.me.sleeeeep.

then again i suppose verbally abusing my conscience is not gonna do me any good. it will just aggravate it even more, hence generating irritation and anger HENCE me being here again at like 5am. excuse my ranting, i'm sleep deprived. i dont even know if i'll remember doing this when i wake up (that's if i ever get around to sleeping) in the morning.

since i have absolutely no better place to be at this present moment, here are a few things i'd like to do throughout these few weeks to keep myself occupied/sane :

1. go out more - dear friends, you know what to do.

2. read more books - adri, i could actually use that borders voucher(s) right about now.

3. be a temporary food connoisseur - food is the ONLY thing in life that never lets me down.

4. like, never EVER.

5. go christmas shopping - for me

6. go christmas shopping - for other people (isupposeimust)

7. clean my room - am genuinely afraid. only the Lord Almighty knows what lies beneath it all.

8. get some cash - LOTS of cash wouldn't hurt too much either.

9. watch more lipstick jungle, gossip girl, 90210, grey's anatomy and one tree hill

10. sleep at REGUfuckingLAR hours - hear that, oh sweeet conscience?

i now leave you with something i never knew existed and am pleasantly surprised at its existence.

convertibles ;)

fuck, i need sleep so bad.

twilight

2008-12-02T14:43:00.000+08:00

watched it yesterday. utter crap after reading the book, obviously. i didnt think the plot (in the movie) was appropriate either. in my opinion, twilight isn't something you can make into a movie successfully. because, everything HAS to be included or it seems as though the movie is sort of 'tergantung' if you know what i mean. plus, robert pattison is SO NOT the edward cullen us girls have been endlessly fantasising of. seriously. it's just not right. kinda put me off the whole movie. it's not like he's so far beyond the point of no return or anything but, he's just no edward cullen. 'nuff said.

we went for an 8.30pm show. after the show a few of us mamak-ed in sri damansara. got a little goss session with jasmine. i've missed it, we havent talked for a long time since it's been spm and all. twas nice catching up. lots more to come :) before the movie adri and i went for driving class. i did the hill, 3-point turn and parking and he got to drive outside. next one's on wednesday. abg hasrul said that if i'm okay inside then i can go outside too! but i dunno, i'm kinda rusty still.

not doing anything today. got up at like...12-ish? whaaaaaat? i slept really late. was reading 'Remember Me' by Sophie Kinsella after i got back. got my phone back after aeons of it being repaired. all my pink themes are gone, replaced by red ones. grr. they were PINK for a reason! just downloaded a new theme anyway, it's nice. heeee.

craving japanese and listening to kate voegele on repeat.

damn it.

2008-11-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

i dont understand why they dont understand. i dont understand why they think they are superior to the "other side" of my family. why? is it because you monopolise most of my time? is it because we're more closely knit?

news flash.

the "other side" is all i have left to remember the "other half" of me. his side whose blood runs through my veins. should his side not be treated as one of equal importance? to you, of course not. another news flash. i do not, i repeat, DO NOT remember what it feels like to be completely, utterly happy at christmas. i swear on my life, i do not. i'll tell you why.

i'm a half.

through about 30 minutes of crying my eyes out, trying to make sense of this emptiness and this frustration, that's the conclusion i've come to. i'm a half. no matter where i am for christmas...be it "this side" or the "other side", i'm still and always will be a half. every christmas, there's something missing. there are some people missing.

there has always been someone missing.

i've always felt that i can only succeed in making half of myself happy. because i only always have half of my heart with me at christmas. only half. the other half is always with someone else. and that someone else, is always never there to give it back to me or to make me whole. it's what i feel every year. therefore, i've become immune. almost numb to the fact that, well, i'm a half.

do i blame my parents for ripping me in two? two birthdays meaning two parties, two cakes, two different set of guests, two different locations, two different sets of gifts..

i had always found that great. being the kid that i was. which kid wouldn't?

what about christmas though? two christmases?

if only christmas was as simple as a birthday, right? it isnt that simple. there is NO such fucking thing as two christmases. every christmas, every year, is the time i get ripped into two. it started out with me being with daddy every christmas eve. obviously, that changed given the circumstances. that changed along with my age. along with my age came a little more wisdom, a little more insight. with my age, came a lot more hatred for what i was at christmas.

a half.

if it were a mere divorce, it wouldnt be quite so complicated. when you die, it's different. i dont blame my mother for wanting me every christmas now. honestly, i dont. i dont blame "this side" of the family for wanting that at all. i blame them for thinking that the "other side" is a lot less important to me. i wonder if they realise that he WAS after all, my father. and that the "other side" IS after all, HIS family. which makes THEM as important to ME.

i think they think that just because he's gone in person, he's gone in spirit. i dont think that he's gone in spirit. honestly, and i'm not crazy, i think that he'll be waiting for me this christmas. if "this side" thinks that i'm going to the "other side" cos i'm gonna have more fun, they are sadly mistaken. i'll be a half, like always. i just wanna spend this christmas trying to remember what it was like when he was around. maybe if i try hard enough, i will. christmas eve was OUR thing. and with one fatal heart attack, it was taken away from us.

my mum respects my decision. she knows that i have every right, especially now that i'm older. i'm so grateful that she's not selfish that way.

as for the other person, i know she'll never understand. she'll never understand what it feels like..

being a half.

somebody's 20 today

2008-11-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

thaaaayne the paaaaayne!

wow i cant believe you're TWENTY! you're five years away to being a quarter of a century old!

sorry, not helping.

anyway, since this IS a tribute to youuuu, i supposed i MUST do what i can to sing your praises throughout this (very painful) post.

kidding, you know i love you.

hmm, i've known you for what....almost 11 years now? well, give or take. and it's been great. i'm glad i have someone like you that i can talk to about almost anything in the world from heartbreak to.............msn fonts. LOL. doesn't get better than that eh? still sucks that you're so far away tho. but not for long, hopefully ;)

i'm sorry, i couldn't resist. HAH!

all in all, i hope you have/are having/had (i have no idea when you're gonna read this) a grrrrrreat birthday! along with many more to come. cant wait to see you! it's gonna be a blast ;)

just cos i love this picture :)

all my love,

xoxo

merdeka!

2008-11-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

spm is over.

i am ecstatic.

i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow.

or the next day.

or the day after that.

how.goddamn.awesome.is.that?

SPM

2008-10-15T22:55:00.001+08:00

hiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatushiatus!

merde.

2008-10-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

6A's

looks okay on paper, doesnt feel even CLOSE to okay in here.

merde.

Falcons, that's right! FIGHT!

2008-10-06T20:34:00.000+08:00

oh gawd i am such a wreck. one massive emotional trainwreck. was watching the Cheer '08 dvd (which i just received) just now. saw us perform and started tearing like an incredible psychofreak.

but honestly, i'm missing everything about it. the fantastic squad. each one of them. we're a family and in some small (however small it may be) part of our hearts, we always will be. we'll always share that same series of memories. it's something we'll ALL have in common for the rest of our lives. steph, azarea, ima and i may be leaving. but it doesn't mean that we'll forget. it was a jolly good time spent, AND well spent too. in my opinion, each one of us has a little something new embedded in us that we'd obtained from cheer. from each other. something new that we'd never known before. a new sense of discipline, respect even. for seniors and for each member alike. a sense of responsibility, holding someone's life in the palm of your hands (literally, mind you) and also a sense of belonging..belonging to something you love that makes you happy and brings you joy, say, at the end of a tough day at school. there's also the freedom of expression at cheer. not only perkiness! all the time, but sometimes tears as well. tears of frustration, tears out of anger. tears of pain.

as long and as hard as the tears flow, your squad never backs away. never.

everyone's always there for each other. always sharing. sharing laughs, the occassional gossip, drinks, snacks...just plain sharing. we've got each other's backs literally, and always. stress may come and go, anger may come and go, but team spirit is everlasting. i'm going to miss that very team spirit. i dont know if i can find it anywhere else. i'm half hoping that i wont, so that i can hold on to this forever, and not have to replace it. i'm gonna do my best to help them out as much as i can when i'm out of school. i want them to do better next year. i want them to have what i feel at this very moment to pass on to the future Falcons of SSB. i want them to be THIS proud. i just sincerely hope that the team spirit will never fade or get corrupted by outside influences because right now, it's as pure as it can be.

remember girls, we are a team. no matter what happens, we always will be.

we are a legacy.

cheery coke.

2008-10-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

cheery coke, not cherry coke. (no it wasn't a typo, you can stop rubbing your eyes now it looks silly)

anyway, a fling?

fling, huh? fling...

aaaaaaaaaah fling.

hmm... :)

Selamat Hari Raya

2008-10-02T16:14:00.000+08:00

I would like to wish all my Muslim friends a very VERY SELAMAT HARI RAYA! Hope you guys enjoy yourselves to the max, and i also hope you g uys STAY SAFE! *ahemAMARahem*

went to lunch with the cousins yesterday at Bubba Gump at the curve. was fun, glad i could find a way to go. good bonding time which we SHOULD DO MORE OFTEN when shilps is around. good food, needless to say. Nirwan and i had the bourbon something something baramundi (haha, cant remember the name!) and BORING ol' Nish and Shilpa had..

fish and chips.

wow! *dies of excitement* lol. not adventurous at all these two are. seriously. anyway, halfway throughout the meal shilpa starts laughing for no apparent reason (and she claims I'M the stupidest one in the family now) HAH. you wish, child ;) though i openly admit i've had a few bimbo moments here and there recently. but, i could NEVER take her place as the bimbo of the family. never, i'd never do that you :) unanimously, it has been agreed that she's made her mark as the BIM of the family. i shall not disclose all the BIM things you've said and done here, due to my undying love for you. haha. what's important is that WE know. hehe.

oh yeah, it took so long for our food to come so nish came to the conclusion that it was because we were indians. hahahaha. so while we were eating, this other family came to sit at a table next to ours.

Nish : Poor Indians..

lol. their food came fast though. unfair! so after lunch we walked to cineleisure cos they were gonna watch a movie. i had to go though so i couldnt watch with them. went to meet mum at borders after that and went to buy my dress!

okay, dress(es) wasnt planning on buying more than one, but they were quite cheap and quite....irresistable!

i loved the print :D

and this, which i wore to the KA 25th Anniversary Dinner&Dance..

and we must have a demure looking good girl dress now, musn't we?

heeheeeee! got new shoes also, but no picture. mum went on a pretty insane shopping spree as well. especially on shoes. gosh, that woman. no guessing where i got it from, straight from the mothership i tell you! it's good to have a mum who enjoys it as much as you do. it's fun.

today, we went to uncle hamzah's for raya lunch. yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy rendang man! wooooh! and the cakes and cookies! aunty liyana is the BOMB at making desserts.

anyway, gotta go now. more soon.

lol

2008-09-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

[22:29:16] Nirshad says:

PiNk RuLeZ

it's not everyday something like that happens. well done, cousin.

L O L

nooooooooo!

2008-09-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

my mum. had. the Dior Cherie. and. she. gave. it. away.

sadness fills this room tonight :'(

happy birthday LL!

2008-09-28T22:57:00.000+08:00

you're so far away. and i miss you like PHUCK. it ain't the same honey.

Happy 17th, ham!

*cue LL, "WOW an entire post for ME!"*

yeah, you're that special. hope you had truckloads of fun!

love you ham. looong time.

bliss.

2008-09-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

this feeling. like i can BREATHE again.

is bliss.

p.s. i need to shop before i drop!

whoooooopdeedoO!

2008-09-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

okay so chem kinda sucked royal arse. BUT. all is well in this world of mine.

i bet bet BET you wanna know why!!!

BECAUSE........ *giggles*

*giggles more!*

my babies arrived today ;)

aaaaaand...

!!!!!

lol. MUST LA camwhore a bit ;)

clothesbucket!! *clickclick*

air mata bergenang

2008-09-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

there will ALWAYS be something waiting around the bend to make me cry when i just really, really have to focus and get something done.

no shit, really. i'm really not exaggerating.

always.

and if God's testing me, i'm still standing.

though i'm hanging on by a thread.

oh no.

2008-09-16T23:13:00.001+08:00

feels like i'm falling into this endless ditch. slowly but surely. you know how when things fall, they start slow and then pick up in speed? simple physics, no? yes well, first you tip over that fucking cliff. then you actually realise that you're off that fucking cliff. then your heart tickles with the feeling of falling.

faster, faster, faster.

while you're falling, you dont exactly turn back to look at that fucking cliff, do you? you look forward...downwards. downwards to your so-called future. downwards to what you have to look forward to. downwards to the ground..the bottom of that fucking cliff. the last place you wanna be because you know it's not the place for you to be. downwards. where you're gonna land flat on your face with the joke finally on you. nobody there but you. nobody to listen but you. nobody to 'help carry that cross', so to speak.

looking downwards, you dont really remember any of that cliff you fell off of. what did it look like? heck, how the fuck did i fall? there's no telling how many memories are lost in the process of falling. what....did i, slip? dont remember. dont remember the cool things on the cliff. the feeling of the wind in your hair standing on top of the cliff. and gosh, the view...simply breathtaking. but when you're falling, falling, falling..you dont think about the wind, your hair, OR the fucking breathtaking view.

you think about, well, falling.

falling

falling...

and before you know it, you die before you even hit the ground.

ode to thayne

2008-09-16T17:54:00.000+08:00

thaaaayne,

the paaaaaain,

insaaaaaaane :)

hahaaa just kidding, love ya!

p.s. weirdo

GAHHH!

2008-09-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

fuck. shit. crap. FUCK!

15 . 09 . 2008

FUCCCCCK!

*cramcramcramcramcramcram*

*dropsdead*

in a nutshell.

dewa-rrraja!

2008-09-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

stayed home and studied today. not done actually. ultra history baby. ughh i've had it up to HERE with all the pentadbiran/pemerintahan shit. BUT. it's not like i have a choice.

goodbye :)

fuck this.

2008-09-08T21:08:00.000+08:00

it's not like i dont try. i do, i swear. but what happens when the barrier doesnt seem to budge? what happens when whatever you do, you just CANT bloody focus anymore?? what happens when the odds are against you and there really doesnt seem to be a chance for everything to just 'magically' turn around for the better?

what happens then?

honestly, i'm this close to giving up. i know it's my own fault/loss. i mean, no one's ever gonna see me as something else like this. i dont get how other people can see "WOW" and i just see "ugghh.." when i look in the mirror. not because of the outward appearance, but because of who i am. other people dont see me for who i am, and the scary part is, only i do. only i know what's gonna come outta me. only i know how hard i work. only i know what i can accomplish. i wish i could tell everyone else to stop getting their hopes up because i'm afraid they'll all be very sadly disappointed. i'd rather just disappoint myself and live with it then bring people down with me. at least they'd be happy even if i'm not. besides, i'm good at wearing masks. i've got all types.

i just want them to see me for who i really am, and not some 'harapan bestari'.

this bites.

2008-09-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

friggin SKID MARKS. seriously.

whatthehell!

*crawls into necessary hiding*

au revoir :((((

siiiiigh.

2008-09-05T13:51:00.000+08:00

my skin's been quite bad lately. like, from the heat or maybe even stress? what puzzles me is that it never happens to me. bad skin, i mean. i dont mean to brag or anything but i have an impeccable complexion.

or, well, HAD. :(

PLUS. there's a minor burn scar at the side of my face ( near my forehead/ear)-ish because of...

well it's kinda embarassing and bimbotic..

cos of me burning myself with the straightening iron.

i know i know. and no, it's not my first time using an iron. i guess i just sorta...missed? lol. *smacks self on head* anyway, so yeah there's a tiny burn line. thank god it isnt obvious as no one has noticed yet.

on a SO-NOT happier note, trials start on the 15th. i think i'll be okay, really. it's just history that i gotta really concentrate on now. now that i actually GET chemistry, i'm a little more optimistic. just a little. a little.

today at shool we camwhored a little with nik's camera. we're taking new yearbook pics cos the ones taken by the so-called professionals were apparently really bad. cik nor lezah doesnt know about our little plot so it's kinda being done....illegally.

i feel like a crrrriminal! whee.

besides that, i'm kinda disappointed with my position in class this time around. it isnt THAT bad but it's PRETTY bad for me. i was pleasantly surprised tho that i got all A's besides add math. which i happened to have, well, failed. but yeah, all A's is good. its just the add math that pulled me down. ugh, i just wish this test MEANT something. too bad it doesnt. so no, i'm no brilliant child prodigy. one can dream tho.

well, i should go hit the books now. heh.

sad

2008-09-04T13:51:00.000+08:00

was reading up on the lina joy case earlier. for no apparent reason, was just thinking about it. this is what was said regarding lina's appeal.

"We invite anyone who feels that they are aggrieved or victimized within the current system to choose other, less confrontational and controversial attempts towards change and reform."

less confrontational and controversial attempts?? do they seriously think that lina CHOSE deliberately to be controversial? it isnt her fault that THE SYSTEM screwed up thus causing controversy. anyway, CHANGE and REFORM is SUPPOSED TO BE CONTROVERSIAL! it would not be called change OR reform if it weren't. why? are they scared of a challenge? of a little controversy? if their foundation was strong in the first place (i.e. including systems that DO NOT screw people over), they probably would not have made such a pussy statement.

it's like saying...'Oh, just whisper softly...softly you know..in the ear of any tom, dick or harry who will listen, the next time you want to make a change. that will suffice lah."

yeah. it will definitely suffice to make it easier to cover up AND shut her up while they're at it.

democracy, you say? well i've got news for you. this is NOT what i signed up for.

geez, ENOUGH already, okay?

2008-08-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

i was blog-hopping earlier, and i came across a blog where i found out that the supporters of the Dynamitez of SMK DJ were hurling rude remarks and demoralising insults at the Stunners All-girls of Sri KDU.

during. the Stunners'. routine.

i mean, COME ON. i can totally relate to why the Stunners are so upset. i come from a private school too and i know how students from government schools look at us. and in our defence, i know SO MANY people from GOVERNMENT schools who play the part of the altruistic "spoiled brat" (as you people so eloquently phrase it) so much better than we do. let's get one thing straight here people. WE of THIS GENERATION are EQUAL. it DOESNT MATTER what TYPE of SCHOOLS we come from, what our FINANCIAL BACKGROUNDS might be like, we are all fucking EQUAL.

you know why?

let me educate you.

this is because ..

our ATTITUDES do NOT DEPEND on WHERE we got to SCHOOL.

our ATTITUDES depend on the PEOPLE we GREW UP around.

our ATTITUDES depend on WHO our FRIENDS are.

our ATTITUDES depend on how MATURE we are.

our ATTITUDES depend on how SMART we are.

NOT

how RICH we are.

who DRIVES us around.

WHAT DRIVES us around.

how we SHOP.

where we GO ON HOLIDAY.

and FYI, not ALL students of private schools are rich, as you think they are. i'm most certainly not. so please, DO NOT assume. to go to private school does not mean you HAVE to be rich. it simply means you have the money to get by comfortably. there IS a difference between that and being rich. you see, there's

COMFORTABLE

and there's

RICH

see?

and being RICH is not a crime. i know rich people who are the nicest people in the world. many of them are actually. those who do not flaunt what they have. the humble ones. and i'm more than sure that they are students with more-than-steady financial backing at SMK DJ. so please, do not judge. you come from a reputable and admired school. yes, SMK DJ is ADMIRED by even PRIVATE SCHOOL STUDENTS. students like me. yes, i DO admire your school. the students. the accomplishments. truly, i do.

then you guys go and say things like that about the Stunners?

i must say. i have a little less respect for you now.

hi :)

2008-08-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

well i wont say for sure that i have in fact found my passion for blogging again, but i thought maybe i'd give it a shot again. try to uhh, rekindle the flame. so to speak. so yeah, nothing much has been going lately besides the fact that everyone's kinda shivering in their panties in apprehension as to whether or not they'll be chosen for NS. this is inclusive of, well, me. of course. the final list was SUPPOSED to be out today but you know, you never know.

now let's take a short HAPPY SLIP break, shall we? hehe. brb :)

back! omg happy slip is the FUNNIEST ever! go check it out at www.youtube.com/happyslip. okay, i digress :) so back to what i was talking about, many people at school have gotten NS so far and really, i wish them the best best BEST of luck and also the best of CAMPS. lol. i hear the sabah/sarawak camps are AWESOME in comparison to the ones here.

you know, i've been thinking lately, about what makes me tick. what drives me to make decisions, what prompts me to say the right or wrong things, what gets me so wound up that i could actually tear an actual cow in half with my bare hands, what makes me sad or just plain WHAT GETS ME OUTTA BED EVERY MORNING???

so i thought to myself, 'huh, interesting thought." so i thought somemore.

1. i make a decision when i see my life before me as a busy junction in malaysia. where-to-go? which route? oh shit! big truck! WHO'S HOOTING!? mother****** dunno how to drive is it??!

2. usually i say ALL the wrong things when i'm uspet. i'm creature of impulse. i dont THINK, i just word vomit.

3. when i DO say the right things, which i'd like to think i do quite often, i say them because i look at things through the eyes of whoever i'm saying them to. what would they WANT to hear not putting aside the truth? how would they feel if i said that? what would make them feel like they've actually gotten somewhere with that conversation? i confess, the usage of white lies are not alien to me. but to me, they can only be used when it's absolutely critical. to give the other party a little boost of confidence.

4. if i were to list all the things that get me wound up or P.O.-ed as we call it, i'd be here...in my room....staring at the screen....brain turned to unmitigated mush...typing and typing...till christmas '10. SO. looooooooooooooooooong story short. one thing that pisses me off is how people nowadays think they can buy love with money. just like that. ka-chinggg! here's your love! would you like fries with that, sir? i mean, HELLO! GET REAL! it's SAD and eminently demoralising. but it's happening. and guys, i dont mean to totally kill your game, but it's usually you. remember people, platinum aint love.

5. it makes me sad when i hear of child abuse, animal abuse, wars, world war 28 in families..those sorta things. it makes me sad also when people dont trust you the way they should. or the way you think they did. makes you feel like a fool, really. doesnt make you trust them any less though. whether that's a good or bad thing remains a mystery to me.

and lastly,

6. GOD gets me outta bed every morning. the very core of my being. the reason my foundation can never be shaken. it's Him who tells me that everything's okay when i go to sleep at night. and Him who says, "Wake up! it's a sunny day!" (okay maybe that's just caitliyne, but figuratively, yeah totally Him) even when the heavens are pouring outside. my family gets me outta bed every day. the thought every morning of getting up, getting ready for school, going downstairs and seeing the kids brings me joy beyond anything i could ever imagine. *whispers* and these arent even MY kids! but yeah, my family. my friends get me outta bed every day. the laughing and jubilant, ecstatic smiles. the deep, thoughtful conversations. the sharing of secrets. the occassional Gossip Girl episodes. bitch fights. the warm hugs and linking of arms. the way us girls laugh with our eyes, across the classroom. the comfort and the feeling of, "hey, you know, this feels like home.." when you're miles away from your doorstep. gotta love it.

till next time.

applπ!

2008-07-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

i won't be blogging much anymore. i've decided that blogs are for the sole purpose of expressing oneself with passion.

PASSION.

and that, my dear readers, i've not at present.

ciao bella-s.

hope to be back soon.

let's be optimistic here.

2008-07-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

there are so many weird little things that fascinate me.

1. the way a one year old grabs your finger and leads you somewhere, walking with such conviction, and you not knowing where he's taking you or what's going on in his little mind.

2. the way people look when they don't agree with what's being said by someone else. the expression on their faces when they think no one's looking.

3. how so many people don't acknowledge what's being said by another if they just don't get it. a sort of awkward silence.

4. the way a person's ego is affected (and how it's shown on the face) when being ticked off by someone they have absolutely no respect for.

5. how toddlers just know when you're down. and know how to just come close, look at you in their special way, and make you feel so much better.

6. how music, in a cold room, makes you warm.

7. how retail therapy which on most occassions makes a world of difference, but under certain circumstances, just doesn't.

8. the way a person can feel nothing and be absolutely numb.

9. how people can just do horrible things and not be haunted by their conscience on how they affect people.

...and counting.

2008-06-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

nice picture.

not long more now, till all these kind of pictures become simply a thing of the past. we'll all go out separate ways, some of us never to meet again? i hope not. but it's possible because it's simple reality. maybe not. maybe we'd all still be great friends growing up (or should i say, old) in and out of each others' households, hassle-free. witnessing each other embarking on the journeys that life takes us and holding each other back from the wrong paths, could it be so?it could. it could also be...."hey! i remember him/her! hmm...what ever happened, i wonder..did (he or she) graduate/get married/have kids/end up doing drugs/end up in jail/migrate/drop out/join a cult/become a CEO/go bankrupt/move back home, ETC. ? take your pick. i've seen it happen before my very eyes. from being as thick as thieves to not recognising each other on the street.

people change, situations and times change with them.

let's not leave the pictures behind, kay?

love you all xx

shoot me.

2008-05-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

this will NOT do. i worked, i did. i knew what i was doing, I DID. this cannot be. if this is supposed to be my best, i dont know what best means anymore. they say a chain is as strong as its weakest link. my chain, fuck only GOD knows. this always happens. nothing different or even remotely good in this sense can ever, ever, EVER happen to me.

i hate this feeling.

and guess what, no one's there to catch me.

dum dee dum dum dum .

2008-05-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

exams are over (unless est 1 tomorrow is counted) which it is SO not. i'm not being over-confident. just plain honest. there is NOTHING that you can study for est. except knowing the formats for the essays. so yeah, two weeks of holidays after this and then it's back to hitting the books. i hope. very short post. nothing much is going on.

help me!

2008-05-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

i wanna go for marie digby tomorrow!

but! i! have! NO! transport!

i dont really wanna go to see HER. just to get out. and catch up with my lovelies.

but! now! i! CANT!

unless, by some stroke of luck, transport comes knocking on my door.

i! want! to! DIE!

well, not really. but yeah, you get my drift :(

in the midst of hell

2008-05-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

exams started on monday (yesterday). had bm and history yesterday and one english paper and the other history paper. history was okay overall. quite good actually. tomorrow's english only so i have lots of time to study chem in the library. hence, the blogging and laziness. read like 3/4 of the 8th volume of singapore ghost stories in the library today and freaked myself out totally. thank god i wasnt alone. there was an ENTIRE SECTION on ghost attacks on students in the middle of exams. i was like, SHIT. what are the odds..surprisingly i didnt shut the book at the speed of light and toss it out the window towards the nearest car to be squished into oblivion. i guess there is a fraction of bravery in me.

somewhere. you'll see. one day.

okay, even i dont believe that. MOVING ON. after school i went to primary for a while to kill time and miss nicole was telling us more ghost stories from the TSGS books. how she can remember so many stories is a mystery to me. i read like 3/4 of the book and all i could come up with was like two stories. yes, that's all thats left of my memory skills for ya. she teman-ed me back to sec and told me MORE stories while i was waiting for pn rohaya.

come to think of it, i'm like alone right now.

yikes. okay MOVING ON again! nothing else has been going on lately. my social life is completely down the drain due to exams (imagine SPM, laila). right. sigh. anyway, cant wait for exams to be over. then its PARTAAAY time! well, for like, 2 seconds la. then its back to preparing for trials and then SPM.

okay this is sorta besides any point but i'm totally hooked on eskulin kids hand sanitizer. and quadratini napolitaner.

cant wait for mum to get back. TONIGHT! yay.

DIE-lemma.

2008-04-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

this is what i wanted. it is. why, then, do i feel so empty inside? i dont know what i'm trying to accomplish by doing this. i dont know what the hell i'm trying to prove. independance? no.. discipline? HELL no. honestly, i've never EVER been so lost in this place i call my OWN life. i need some sort of sign indicating just a hint of what i'm supposed to do with myself. cos i just have no clue whatsoever on how to deal. i know i should quit whining because hey, I WANTED THIS. but what's whining good for if not for things like this. i want so many things. to go to so many places. to meet so many people. many , MANY , MANY! heck, i dont know any other word. i guess that's why i disappoint myself time after time. because i just dont know how to push myself to the limit to get the MANY things that i want. i do it the wrong way, at least. pushing people away, pushing actual relevent work aside. doing all the wrong things. what do i get in the end? hurt&disappointed. i hurt and disappoint the people who love me. i cant afford to do this anymore.

i'm so done.

IN OUT

making breaking

lovin' it!

2008-03-30T21:45:00.000+08:00

i.found.my.dress!

just you wait.

05 - 04 - 2008

lol.

2008-03-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

got this from neera, dont know if any have seen it. enjoy.

BLOODY hell.

2008-03-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

it's been long! well, 2008 is here 3months in and i've done

ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY NOTHING.

spm this year, mind you. scared shitless especially after results for 07 came in. our school did terrribly if you ask me. except ruhana of course (11 a1s baby!) came as quite of a shock how disappointing last years results were. anyway, so i'm sitting here doing nothing and i decide to blog right (dedicated to LL) and i cant think of anything worth blogging about. well yeah i mean there are SO MANY things in my life that are of worth but none really that would be appreciated via blogspot. you know? so. i'm just going to blog about what's going thru my mind atm. pure spontaneity ya. i'm thinking about whether i should have dinner since i ate maggi mee at about 5pm. i'm guessing not. so lazy to go downstairs. i'm also thinking about whether or not to finish my add maths tuition homework lol. or maybe i'll just do it tmrw. another thing on my mind is the dublin literary. half of me wants to sit down and pen my thoughts but the other has completely no faith. how la? difficult topic man, tomorrow's world. i mean, it isnt DIFFICULT, it's just so bloody general and and and and and WHAT ON EARTH WOULD ONE WRITE ABOUT!!!!? you know? you might say, "cheh so easy la just write about ......... !" then when you actually think about that ............. , you'd be like, "oh CRAP la." that's the way it goes. anyway, i dont think i'm putting my brain to full use on this cos i know that i COULD think of something to write about if i REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY wanted to. honestly, mum wasnt much help. she just went, "oh if you have nothing to write about dont join la." i'm like oh THANKS mum. sigh. i'm hoping neera has some sort of idea. she is after all the PRO. besides dublin, the only other thing going on is cheer. sports day is on april 5th and our routine has yet to be completed. 5minutes okay! no joke! so we're kinda panicking and practicing till the cows come home but the growth of our stunts are well, stunted. especially the basket pikes. it's good enough, but not guaranteed that it will be on sports day! oh yeah and did i mention that my BACK is BROKEN because of the basket pikes. GOSH.

okay, i've decided to include some jokes. blondes are killer okay. these are the top ten blonde jokes (in uk supposedly) and if you dont know what blonde jokes are you can just go jump off a building RIGHT NOW.

(in reverse order, best last-in our case, number 1)

10. If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

9. The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

8. A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

7. A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

6. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

5. Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.

She looked down, then got run over by the train!

4. A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45.

The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

3. A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

2. A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

1. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

honestly, i've heard better ones. come on uk!

anyway, ENJOY!

i need.

2007-11-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

i need something to do.

i need someplace to go.

i need someone who gets it.

i need to feel like it's not always me.

i need to look and find things that make sense.

i need to stop my habit of wishful thinking.

i need to rely more on something bigger than me.

i need to cry and cry and cry.

i need that shoulder.

i need to stop crying.

i need to fight for personal independance.

i need to quit fighting the damn system.

i need to be less afraid.

i need to learn to love.

i need to learn to forgive.

i need to want to forgive.

i need to stop acting because the costume REALLY itches...

....in this life that is nowadays too fucked up for words.

DAMN it's been long.

2007-11-06T01:10:00.000+08:00

i know i know. it's been AGES. but yeah i've been quite preoccupied with school and exams and all that jazz so i couldn't really blog much. ok fine, at all. there have been lots of things happening lately! one of them being my ability to talk to neera in uk online (i thought at first i wouldn't be able to. her schedule and all) so i found out that she's in musical heaven (wish i was there!) and also celeb heaven! yeah yeah. keira knightley was there and christian slater and dustin hoffman and kelly osbourne. she saw michael caine at the airport as well. AND i now know that a siew pau in london is rm7. one siew pau. tim perreau would SO not be able to survive there!

besides that, a few of us performed for fr.mitchel's birthday party the other day. some of us (gifford, primo, sheyna, LEON, belle, dhayang, and i) did a few of the witness songs. and some of us (megan, mae, jacq, kristie, SHERWIN, and i) did grrrrease lightning! you know, the dance. duh.

mind you, LEON is in caps because he's the vocal prodigy of the group and manyMANYMANY groups, i'm sure. and SHERWIN is in caps cos well, he's a dood. and not all doods would dance to grrrease lightning with 5 other girls okay? takes some serious balls man. respect brotha!

did i just say brotha?

anyway. mooooving on. HAHA. i found out the other day that thaddeus' sister does not eat lamb because she loves sheep. omg la how cute is that? she eats beef tho cos apparently, and i quote from thad, "cows are stupid". lol. she does in fact have a sheepskin rug (the one like mine).

so i ask.

me : so she loves sheep but she has a sheepskin rug??
thad : yeah la cos you dont kill it what you only shave the fella!
me : ...oh yeah.

hmmm. besides that what else happened?

oh yeah. been doing yearbook editing for the pass two days. it's cool la, got to learn loads about photoshop. (dont feel like such a noob anymore!) but it has its downsides la. like, a headache the size of pahang and johor put together at the end of the day. gosh. the yearbook bettr be one HELLUVA YEARBOOK this year! i've yet to learn how to create layouts and all tho. i gotta get my own photoshop for that. and for THAT to happen, i have to get my M-A-C! which brings us to the next hot topic.

mum promised to get me a macbook soon since i gotta learn photoshop and get skype and the whole enchilada. you might ask...why not get skype on this old computer? well. i cant. simply because, my laptop is SO FULL OF STUFF that i CANNOT DELETE like my school stuff, pekas, songs, pictures and whatnot so if i install skype, it'll just completely crash. ask anyone, my hair grows faster than my computer loads. seriously doods. so yeah. i need bigger, better, new and improved, completely re-booted MEMORY! and cool stuff that comes with a mac too la duh. so NOW, due to the whole worlds' master conspiracy to crush my dreams, i'll probably only get it in december. thats worst case senario la. I HOPE.

i know i know, you must be thinking oooh spoilt BRAT! but nooooooo noooooo..i'm really hoping to get it by mid november somewhat like the original plan. no wait..the original plan was like..october. hence the dream crushing drama. sighighigh. nevermind! well well well..hmm what else? oh yeah i've fallen for another phone. (not to say i'm not still in love with mine but lets just say i'm cheating on it, shall we?)

it's the nokia n76! in red!

i'm lazy to put the picture lah so just google it if you want kay? yeah it's a girly girl phone. the red one la. it has like a sort of mirror on the front. ain't that just awesome, girls? JUST what we need ;) seriously. well it looks a lot like the razr but i've always liked the razr so whattheheck! its nokia! its just like heaven! i want it but i dont know if i'd get it. mum said put it on my christmas list and maybe someone or some people would like to pitch in and get me one. wishful wishful thinking yet weirdly realistic. or maybe it's just my OTT positive and optimistic view on the topic.

that's been the life lately. not too bad. nottttt complaining. about any of the above la :) that's all for now. goodnight!!

oh yeah random thought, i think fuck-me-boots are kinda cool. i'd never wear them tho. hehe.

falcons 2008 in progress people!

2007-09-24T18:53:00.000+08:00

september results SUCK. big time.

finals in like 3 weeks.

revamp, yo!

falcons are going green next year. and gold. green&gold.

GREEN&GOLD!

sayoneera :(

2007-09-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a hectic beyond hectic day. our choir went for the competition yesterday and we won second place. which was cool cos we started practices really close to the actual day. which was cool cos we then got to miss class. which was actually not so cool come to think of it cos our tests are next week. oh well. i'll manage. i hope. okay then after the competition we got back to school and had class for like 30minutes before school was over. got home, had tuition then had to go to church for mass practice THEN went for like 30minutes for math tuition THEN headed to the airport. at like. 10.15pm.

i thought we were gonna be late but we were there before neera. the line for her check-in was SOooOOOoOooOOOO long. after they finally checked in, we went to mcds cos i hadnt eaten yet. (it was like, 12am by then ok) and i do horribly without food. so yeah, went to mcds and very stupidly gulped down the HOT milo. and experienced like 23rd degree burns on my tongue which i can still feel today. oh well. after that, neera's friends left and soon after that they had to go in as well so we had to go. hugged goodbye and tried (and managed successfully!) not to cry. so did mum. which is totally a major breakthrough.

we waited till they were out of sight and we left.

they kept saying though, "hey this is gonna be you in about 3 years!"

is it? thats the million dollar question.

shit-lah.

HhhhAAAAAAHHHHhhhAAAAAAAAAAa!!

2007-09-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

LOL.

SARAH MOI & THADDEUS

i'm glad you guys have met.

over my blog comments.

sweet.

well done lah you guys rock!

<3 lovelovelove ya'll.

malaysiaku gemilang.

2007-08-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

i realise that i havent posted anything about the gwen concert. well. in a nutshell..

A-W-E-S-O-M-E

seriously. i MISS it. evenifiwassittinglightyearsawayandhadtopeerthruapairofbinocularstowhichicurrentlyowemyLIFE.

yeah.even if.

OMG it was the best ever! gwen can sing live and THAT'S why we were all so desperate to see her in concert. and now, i'm hooked on all her new songs. i like early winter :) yeah yeah! and AAAAAAAAAAAAFTEEEEEEERRRRRRRR the concert..

THADDEUS MET GWEN!

haha curi2 la. he found her dressing room and all he found HER! and she signed for all of us! and i got the GWEN STEFANI WARDROBE sign. (its made of paper lah so no its not that bad if one were to steal it) and and and and and....

ITS PURPLE!

whhoooopeee! yeah. he did good didnt he? well thats not the best part.

we.heard.gwen.talking.to.him.on.speakerphone!!

and dyou wanna know what she said??

thaddeuscheahchingmin : "hey can you sign these for me they're for my cousins they'r all real bug fans." *note the cousins.*

gwenFRIGGINstefani : "yeah sure!"

HAHAHAHAHA all of us heard it over speakerphone and we screamed like HELL just cos we heard her voice! (we didnt know what she said until later cos we were screaming so we had to ask him..rather sheepishly..later).

yeah. it was so coooooool.

she didnt sing crash tho. strange.

OH WELL IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. so far.

the myth of the backstabbers.

2007-08-20T21:00:00.000+08:00

myth my FOOT. gosh i didn't think she'd really do it. for a while, i DID have doubts. or should i say, i gave her the bloody BENEFIT of the doubt. for a while. but it's all oh-so-clear to me now.

she's one genuine, bona fide, indubitable, legit, unvarnished, palpable, honest-to-goodness,(other synonyms welcome), classical, plastic

B I T C H

and STOP using other peoples' names when you want to go out with him just because you arent allowed to. that is just so LOW. get over yourself people aren't going to cover for you forever. i hope you get caught red handed. i PRAY that you do. it's about time you stop fucking around WHILE getting the credit and worship from every other STUPID homosapien who cant see past their goddamn noses.

so sue me.

or get your slave cum driver cum boyfriend to do it for you.

the calm(?) AFTER the storm.

2007-08-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

went to UKM today to tour their tissue culture lab. was quite interesting. got lots of pictures (in STEPH'S camera) so i might just decide to post some of em up. saw lots of different speciments and some with funghi and contamination which were just plain blerghh. the dude said that sometimes you cant even BREATHE in the direction of the culturing speciment due to the bagajillions of bacteria transported to the speciment.

omg i sound like a freaking n.e.r.d.

i'm sorry.

nothing special happened today besides the trip to the lab. mainly cos it was quite a bad day for so many of us. serious shit. caused by bloody inconsiderate and full-of-themselves people. person. and cos of people. person. who thinks she's sort of all that who's idea of fun is attacking someone at their weakest point. yeah. brutal.

bm was miss erable today. everyone was in a sucky mood. i was killing myself trying to find a way to fit shaq into the team to go to UKM cos he really wanted to go NO JOKE. and saying no to shaq is like..like..

woof woof! *puppy pants and sticks tongue out*
*screech* plsladhjsgtdtysvfghasd hj asSPLAT *puppy gets run over by two trucks and a ktm*

haha those who watch FRIENDS religiously should be familiar with that. but seriously, i couldnt not take shaq. so i called my mum from school and asked her to beg the driver to allow one more person into the cab.

and he said YES! so i was like all happyhappyjoyjoy after that. twas all good. well, not all la. the constant niggling that the fact that it-whom-shall-not-be-named still existed in the world...yeah, that CANT be shaken.

*grumblegrumble*..15minutes..didnt even apologise...*swearandcurse*

oooh ohh! i'm going to pd tmrw. for the SOY concert. i hope its good. i've never seen them before. heard of them, but not seen or associated with them. really hope its good.

meh.
i mss jcq.
i'm seeing her tmrw tho!
yay! *miseries FLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY out the window*

*temporarily tho, wanna take a bet?*

please, let it be over.

2007-08-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

i've just come to a devastating conclusion. i'm as bad as some of those i criticise. i'm as pathetic. i'm as fucked up. and it occured to me that i'm not as superb as i thought i was. and no, it's not humbling. like i said, it's devastating.

i need someone to help me sort things out. like a sort of co-pilot that drives my life with me. i just cant seem to grasp that being. or non-being, who knows? not fucking me thats for sure. i'm like an alien to my own life. viewing from the spyglass. what do i see?

i see me. crying and screaming inside. crying and screaming inside. crying and screaming inside. crying and screaming inside. crying and screaming inside. crying jans dsknf md...........

yeah.

pathetic.

i asked for it.

no one SHOULD help me.

and yet, i pray that someone will.

this is the defining moment in my life so far when i can truly say..

i hate myself.

...and mean it.

dnaegrsouly sxaey bbay ||

2007-08-02T22:28:00.001+08:00

i love love love love love my new layout. was quite 'in the mood' so i decided to change my whole entire layout, update everything including links and about me's.

enjoy <3

dont break me!

2007-08-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

went to school this morning in a prrrty foul mood. not sure why, i just couldn't bring myself to be nice to anyone. i really wasn't bothered. lasted through the whole of chem too. now i say, thats a bloody record! it-whom-shall-not-be-named (according to steph) pissing me off as usual by just being alive. so that REALLY brightened up my day. wanted to get my chem marks today, but i totally forgot. AND my est marks. AND my bio marks. i wasnt in school the day when they gave them out so yeah, am results deprived. i got a lot more As than my PA-THE-TIC mid-year results but it doesnt really count. (they do on bad days though).

steph had the amazing idea of making characters out of all our classmates and four lucky teachers! she got to be spongesteph squareskirt and she made me laila&stitch. the one so far that takes the cake is.....*drum roll*.......

DARTH VINODH!

kkksshhh....I AM YOUR BACKSIDE!.......

some of the rest were :-

MegaRong (Megatron of Transformers) for Seng Rong

Keijzilla (go figure) for Kei Jin

CinderIma (if you dont know this just jump off the roof) for Ima

Maz Possible (Disney's Kim Possible) for Mazy

Adri & the GIANT peach (James and the giant peach by Roald Dahl) for Adri. we later resorted to cancelling out the '&' sign.

Timon and Pak Keii (Timon & Pumba of The Lion King) for PakKeii. he doesnt mind, dont worry.

ManChinNian United (Man. U) for ChinNian

Chee Yung Little (Chicken Little) for CheeYung

SpiderMung (Spiderman. or Spiderpig if you wish) for YeeMung

and for ONE of the FOUR lucky teachers...

YOGES ALMIGHTY! (Bruce almighty) for Mr Yoges.

being our physics teacher, we added the tagline 'Let there be acceleration' to his character.

well i thought it was pretty good.
heh.

just LEAVE ME ALONE!

2007-08-01T21:37:00.000+08:00

i'm so sick of this nonsense. have some respect for me for pete's sake. geez. i'm the one now looking and feeling like a FOOL when you're out gallavanting with that...

forget it.

i have so much to say to you. so so so much. every single time. but no, it never gets across. ever. hence, I END UP LOOKING LIKE THE FOOL. it's not like i expect something in turn. no, i most definately do not. just stop making me regret sympathising and caring so much. please.

they say i have to stop caring.

they say i have to let you make your own mistakes till you learn.

they say they say they say.

i say i cant. i cant let you keep doing this. like i said, i cant watch a trainwreck. but you never listen.

so what is it that you want from the people you call your friends?

that, my dear, is the bagajillion dollar question.
stop being so oblivious. when you sense there's something wrong, speak up. it hurts when you dont.

so what are you gonna do about it?

HAHA godzillarr!

2007-07-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

school was fun today, had chem in the morning. OMG it was miracle chem ok. i actually KNEW what i was doing. like, all of it. wow. had bio after that. i think there was a mistake in the question tho.

what protein does the red blood cell produce that fights viruses and kills bacteria??

if it's to transport oxygen then its haemoglobin laaa but its to KILL BACTERIA and FIGHT VIRUSES! like wth. i asked megan and sheyna and neither of them knew. sheyna said it might be antibodies and thats what i put. so WHEEEEEEE! well i still dont know fo sure but yeah, WHEEEEEEEEEE! had no papers for the rest of the day so it was good.

played country game with steph, maziah, vinodh and ima during math. so fun. i got 72 points :) its kinda low compared to the rest but thats only cos i missed the first three rounds. after school we had dance. was fun during the end. we might do candyman! haha. we were kinda just fooling around at dance when we finished practicing our routine, making up stupid dances and some of us, CAT-LIKE weird moves. hinthint STEPHANIE.

after dance, went home and got showered and all for bk. got a call from steph's mum on the way there.

"LALA! do you know where stephanie is? she didnt come home.."

haha yes, LALA. that's stephs mum for ya. hahaha. well, it was all because the FREAKO didnt CALL HOME and INFORM her MUM or VIRGINIA or BROTHERS that she was GOING TO BE LATE. she NEVER EVER DOES. her poor mother. i'm gonna kick her (barely-there) butt tmrw.

anyway, like always, tmrw is another story.

cheer 07

2007-06-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

WE. FINISHED....

SEVENTH!!!!!

OUT. OF. FORTY. ONE. TEAMS.

WE. KICK. CHEER. BUTTS.

seriously man, seventh! its like @**#&@^#&@#*@**&#(*@#(*@#*(@!!!!! omg.

omg we rock. plus! we have gigs. hehe.

we owe this MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR success of course to JEH YING, our be be beloved captain! and SANDRA CHAN SU EN and ERIC (i dont know his last name), our coaches for coaching and coaching. and coaching. thnks a bnch y gys rwk!

omg seventh. from previously 4TH FROM THE BACK! phew. thats like damn cool. i've yet to get over the omgwegotfrigginSEVENTHoverall fever..as you can see. i dont think i EVER EVER EVER will!

okay, back to the competition..one the first day, we did pretty well. not THAT well lah many schools scored higher. cos.

1. the flyers weren't riding their tosses properly
2. there weren't enough tumbles/tumbles just plain sucked.
3. STEPPING ON PROPS!

the judges were really nice tho. they liked our cross thing! and they commented that it was cute. we received our score sheets, and we were in the top 15!

(i now know that we were actually no.15!)

after day one, we went back to school to practise the routine, tweek it here and there and to perfect it :)

got home at around 7.15pm. was damn tired so stoned for like damn long then went to shower. then slept. and slept.

day two~!

went to school..practiced more and left at around 7 something for jalil. got there, did hair and make up and got ready for the competition. we were 8th to perform cos they reverse it the second day. sheyna, primo, megan, mae, dhayang, jon, gary, jox and noel came to watch! but that was after we performed.. :(

that days' performance was A LOT better than the previous one. says many people. so there.

1. flyers rode their tosses better (and the twists were MUCH MUCH better! go jun wen!)
2. the cartwheels were neater, toes pointed ;)
3. no one stepped on props!

AND GUESS WHAT...

WE GOT ZERO PENALTIES FOR THE SECOND DAY! on the first day we got like, 6 penalties. 5 for stepping on props. san was damn frustrated cos it was really a waste! we were actually not that far from the Silkygirl Merit Award (the award given to the team with the none/the least penalties). sigh. had we not stepped on props..

after all the teams had performed, there were other performances while the judges deliberated. for example. point blanc (??!?!?!??!) and AC Mizal and and and and ANNDDDD CHARM!! everyone was like,"WE WANT CHARM! WE WANT CHARM!" hahaha. hmm imagine..

"WE WANT FALCONS! WE WANT FALCONS!"

heheh. oh well, wishful thinking.

ookay getting back to the prgram, CHARM's performance was the ultimate BOMB. needless to say, of course. congrats CHARM-ers! twas a-w-e s-o-m-e, awesome,awesome, TOTALLY!
(cool cheer,btw.)

yeah okay after they performed it was the results time.

1. best newcomer-CALYX ALL-BOYS (Catholic High School)
2. best dressed-STRIKERS (sri KDU)
3. best showmanship-TITANS (SMK Ave Maria Convent)
4. best cheer-MURIEL (SMK Pudu)
5. *Silkygirl Merit Award*-VIVACIOUS

5th place-TITANS again!
4th place-VULCANZ ALL-GIRLS (SMK Seafield)
3rd place-VULCANZ ALL-BOYS (go figure.)
2nd place-SHIRTLIFF (SMK Bintang Utara)
CHAMPION-DYNAMITEZ!! (SMK DJ)

and in SEVENTH PLACE..................

FALCONS FROM SEKOLAH SRI BESTARI!!

whoooohoooo! went for a celebratory dinner after that at pizza hut bsd. it was also pei wah's birthday so she got a cake and all. and she cried! so sweet.

this whole experience and the whole process has definately created a bond between all of us. the variation of personalities all brought together.

to learn.

to laugh.

to fight.

to cry!

to discover.

to strengthen.

to cheer.

FALCONS--love you girls tons *mwahh xoxo.

cheer07 clinic

2007-06-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

went to the cheer clinic today at around 1.30pm. had to ask cik jannah to take me home first LOL cos i was so kelamkabut this morning and forgot to bring my wallet with me to school. wtf. reached at around..2pm. that was when it was supposed to start so we werent late. did some group stretching and then they asked us to break up into our squads to do stunts.

omg.

suddenly our stunts magically turned SO DARN GOOOOOOOD! i guess it was the pressure of being at the clinic and all. but seriously...everyone was so impressed. the judge said we had the best stunts she'd seen all day! but she hasnt seen the teams tomorrow so yeah. it kinda only lasts today. she changed a bit of our cheer moves and we just followed suit cos she's like......the judge wei.

and charm did a basket toss demo and everyone was like WOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHH......SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT DAAAAAAAAAAMNNN COOOOOOOOOOOOOL OOOOOHMMYYYGAWWWDD! serious okay it was like SOOOO HIGH! and sooooo clean.

after that we learnt a dance that supposedly all the cheerleaders have to perform on the second day. cool dance. we packed up and left after that. got home. damn tired. stoned for a while thinking of that OHMYGOD basket pike then went to shower.

:)

oh ants.

2007-06-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

i'm back. after only god knows how long. stopped blogging a while before exams i think. well, nothing much to talk about THERE. got shit results. ohmygaawwwd lah been so tired lately, cos of cheer. oh that reminds me..

CHEER 2007 IS ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY! COME AND SUPPORT FALCONS!

am scared shitless cos we're not as prepared as we could be for the competition. if everyone had been committed and reliable FROM THE START we would have never come across this damn problem. EVEN NOW, some of them arent serious/committed/taking it seriously. was damn grumpy at practice today, cos of that lah. i mean, come on la, no one wants to make fools outta themselves so why do they act like they dont care?

mhmm. zat is ze MILLION DOLLAR question.

oh well. there's really nothing that would stick, whatever we say or however long the lecture is. some people are just...well, they just ARE. MEGA SIGH. lots of things ruined my day today. i also came to realise, just today, that some things i thought are, just arent under my influence but in reality, against (and i mean TOTALLY against) my better judgement. it disappoints me. and it creates distaste. distaste gile babi. it makes me feel like such a fool for even trying to make things better for others. cos it ends up..well like i said..against my better judgement. so why the hell DO i try?? i dont know. i dont have a choice. i do, but i eliminate the choice of NOT helping/trying. so in the end..i really dont have the choice.

and surprise, SURPRISE! its uckingfay blows up in my uckingfay face.

on to a happier note, we, the PRS society of SSB are running a campaign entitled 'Society~our Sanctuary'. it's a campaign actually originated when we first took part in this competition organised by AWAM (All Women's Action Society) for schools and colleges. this competition is to come up with the best campaign themed : Uniting for Safe Space. our campaign was launched just today. it was cool. the AWAM and celcom reps looked pretty impressed!

hmm what else is going on.

thaddeus left for singapore today for this exhibition thing. coming back on thursday/friday.

oh! gary's party that day was nice. a minor misunderstanding involved but it was good. sorry lah gary, you HAVE to do better to top mine ok? don't worry, there's always the next few years to PRACTICE :) hahaha. really cool rope game tho!

ok, gotta go have a shower now. lol i need something to help me sleep. early. for once. in my life.

out!

the original cheerleader

2007-05-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

he left, without anyone knowing where he went.

he was, the picture of the spirit of fun.

he made, people laugh & people tear & people angry.

he looked, so lively and carefree you had to envy.

he came, he cheered, he spent..

he left, and no one knows where he went.

//that's right hon, he's not coming back\\

we hope you're okay.

we miss you.

take care, romeo.

and she returns.

2007-05-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

statement of the day. no, scratch that, of the bloody YEAR -

I FIXED MY OWN MODEM AND GOT MY INTERNET UP AND RUNNING AGAIN!

hence the post.

wheeheee! i've felt sort of disconnected from the world, tho i see everyone like within the week. but still, without internet, it's like....a serious culture shock.

oh god. bimbo alert.

anywaaaaaay, i have mid terms in 2 days and what am i doing here? only the almighty knows. SO it's gonna be a real short post. that's if i don't get carried away. i have to sleep soon anyway, got like 4 hours last night ONLY and that doesn't exactly work wonders for me. was up late editing a picture and i just couldn't get it right so i kept changing it and adjusting till i was satisfied. at like, 2am. damn.

got interviewed by the judges from Sunway UC yesterday, on steph's project for the youth leadership challenge. put on my biggest brightest smile and went for it. i was totally not nervous because the judges are really nice people, friendly and everything. so i didn't even bother like, rehearsing what i was going to say. they asked us tons of questions about their project and how it was from our point of view and everything. i didn't lie.

okay maybe i did, just a little. steph knows. it was only to protect the team.

that was yesterday. cheer's going well, i think. we changed song and we're changing tons of the routine so it'll be more KAPOWWW! BANG!!!! BOOOOSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i hope.

we have to seriously train like mad after exams or else we're seriously gonna be doomed. and stunts are no wasy near on par. okay la i'd give us a little credit at least our stunts are waaaaay better than the PLINCONS stunts omgosh. just hope the coach comes regularly to help us out. tho secretly i think we'll do fine in the competition.

okay i'd better go study/sleep/study/yeah study/...? now. more later.

jacq taggggged me.

2007-03-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves.People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own, 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.In the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

1. i wake up an hour before i'm supposed JUST so i know i have one more hour to sleep.

2. i freak out when i lose my hair tie.

3. i HAVE to listen to music while i sleep.

4. i arrange my pillows/soft toys in the same arrangement every night before bed.

5. i HAVE to brush my teeth before i bathe.

i am taggingg :

1. staphaanie.
2. justin
3. LL

uhh. i cant think of anyone else :)

love ya'll long time :)

2007-03-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

great friends last forever. no one can deny. i've had/have many great friends and i'm OH-SO-THANKFUL. really. i'd never pull through without you guys...

meganjacqstephlynlisarah

the bestest bestest friends i've ever had. through every hard time, through joyous occasions, through countless fuck-ups, (i might as well add through all the blistering heat and harsh winds yada yada yada) yeah, they've always been there.

lynli&sarah i've known since forever. since we were in diapers. one vague memory, we had an arts and crafts phase with our mums. remember the FELT?! hahaha i know lynli still has her greenfeltfrogg lol. (i think you still have it..it was on your fridge at your old hse ;) i also remember a.husna's (sarah's mum's) SPECTACULAR birthday cakes. (she made them, not had them). for one of lynli's birthday's in school, a.husna made a castle cake from scratch with the towers and evrything and it was the pinkest pink and it was sooooo cooooool! sarah had one too if i'm not mistaken. omgggg so pretty.

i also remember, we made a promise one night after lynli's bday dinner at secret recipe.

i won't mention it here, if you guys dont remember, just ask me :)

-laila,ll and sarah.

megan, we've known each other since i was in std 1. the first day we met, i remember walking from my hse to yours, after you guys came over. haha. everytime i went over to your hse, we'd probably do something wacky like making the infamous moon-rock cookies (LOL!) or making necklaces and bracelets or or or making corn doggs or stuff like that. real randomness it was. then we'd have sleepovers and talktalktalk (a lot about IT, if you remember who IT is lol.) and say goodnight manymanymany times and continue talking and talking and talking. lol then we'd finally fall asleep. haha NOW, we get together, laughlaughlaughlaugh/gossipgossipgossip/protect you from jolie/talk in weirrrrrd ass bm/laughlaugh more/you being my financial advisor/laughlaughlaugh more. life is good :)

-saRAMeganLYkes.

jacq *explosion*. yeah, thats what you get whenever she's around. *explosion*. BAMBOOOMMMMMMKAPISSHHHHHHHHHBANNNGGG! an explosion of excitement, i mean. it's just so much fun. i remember one time we met in church..i saw you and you said," ehhhh! same school!" and i was like, "yeah!". haha we started out in ssb then SOMEBODY left. haha yehh you know i'm never gonna let you fuhhget it! well yeah i know it wasnt your fault. but after (most of) your batch left, it was/is pretty much booooring. omggg we had so much fun in school! especially in the weird dance we were in. the onetwostep+hollaback+punjabi friggin mc dance! haha damn funny looking back now. and we were just talking about it that day. i'm so greatfuland now, EXCUSE ME BUT OUR SWIMMING DATE IS WAY WAAAAAAAAAAAY POSTPONED. damn potong stim la that day, wanna swim then it rained.

-jacquelineV.

steph. when you came back in form 1, everyone was like...OMG IS THAT STAAAAPHANIE??? then i remembered that you were due to come back and i was like...hey, it is! omg your bm in form 1 was hilarious. reading your essays was like reading a bm text book..

GONE WRONG!

lol. you know it slaaave. these years of secondary school have been really spiced up by you being here. you KNOW i'd be in HELL right now if you hadnt come back. cos of you know who. so you pretty much saved my life. my fooodie friend, our food blog is seriously tak jadi. we better buck up! we have the profile pics and everything! lol. so yeah, basically, my partner in crime, my slave, my loser, one of my bestest friends in the world.

-stephanie yeow.

you guys have put more meaning in my life than i can ever imagine. seriously, i dunno what i'd be without you all.

meganjacqstephlynlisarah

love ya'll long time.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

how dare you.

2007-03-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

i dont believe how conniving some people actually are.

did something unbelievably wrong & hurtful?

what do you do about it?

take responsibility.

no?

no.

you sneak round the back.

you expect to be forgiven. poof!

right?

right.

but i'm here to tell you

that you're sadly mistaken, buddy.

that's right.

sadly, sadly mistaken.

cos you're not getting out of it unscathed again.

" sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga."
go back to school.

impressive shit.

2007-03-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

went to school this morning half asleep. was given this super-omg-explodingly-WHOOOOOOO! sour mango sweet. thats pretty much what woke me up. asked ruhana for help on how to drink from the new bottle i got, cos mum couldn't figure it out yesterday either. found out (from azarea later in the day) that it had to be kinda turned around to be drank from. if you can empathise with how incredibly bimbo i felt at that moment, you'd wear a paper bag over your head to metaphorically cover the shame. serious shit. there was me, trying my hardest to succcckkk and pourrr the water into my mouth when all i had to do was kinda turn it around. *whacks self on the head repeatedly* so yeah, we had choral sp practice today THREE TIMES! we're getting pretty good. i never thought i'd say that. mrs liew is the bomb diggity. we're going for a competition next wednesday at cempaka cheras. hope we get into the top 6 schools. we get to compete for zone if we do!

nothing mind blowing happened in school today. had a whatthehellisthisshitcrap add math lesson. that sentence kinda explains itself dont you think? anddd...what else? oh we had cheer after school. coach was supposed to come but she cancelled due to some 'emergency'. so she's coming tomorrow. cik jannah's coming back tomorrow too! to settled some things + handle the cheer and the coach. got steps for the cheer today. jeh ying taught us. pretty cool steps. not dance-ish more cheer-ish. didnt do stunts today cos it rained and the grass was wet. we need a proper gym so we don't have to rely on good weather for a holistic practice.

besides school, am preparing for a fellowship event this sunday. NOBODY has confirmed but in the words of my oh-so-optimistic co-pilot jacq, "ah most of them wont even confirm and'll just pop up there. trust me.." so yeah, am hoping for the best. cos this activity is gonna be so cool. seriouslyy. am pretty impressed with my

FANTASTIC COMMITTEE!

cos they rockrockrock! however obsessed megan is with her rocks, and jacq with her dried leaves. not forgetting BEEEE and ADRIAAAAAAAN (!) refer to bee's blog for the adrian story :)
and the "manpower" of the comm : ashwin and thad. emphasis on the " ".

so about the activity on SUNDAY the 4TH of MARCH 2007 :

calling all KAYM youths

for 'The race of the cross'

at LEMBAH KIARA TTDI

from ONE THIRTY PM to FOUR PM

bring an UMBRELLA, a CAP, a FRIEND and the DESIRE TO RACE THROUGH LEMBAH KIARA FOR GOD!

it's gonna be a complete BLAST!

drama-llama

2007-02-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

what's wrong with people and waiting these days? keep me up till wee fcking hours because you cant wait for me.

so now i know how far your "love" goes.

i'm sorry. i'm angry. i dont mean to diss you i just need you to know i wont forget.

cos it's in black&white.

oh-so-ME.

2007-02-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

there's ONE thing i hate about some people. how they cross analyse.

a piece of advice to those of you who enjoy cross analysing others:-

DON'T.

it becomes a second nature. it hurts. it dents relationships. it just sucks.

so DON'T.

please&thankyou.

weird day.

2007-01-27T19:21:00.000+08:00

woke up at about 9 something today. hoped i'd feel the least bit better but no, not really. went downstairs for breakfast with the familay. ate didnt talk much. went to KIZ SPORTS bsc after that. linah and caitliyne's day out. as a post birthday treat for caitliyne. (fyi they're my cousins. 5 and 2 respectively.) hence, the KIZ SPORTS.

see, it's one of those play areas like twinkles last time with the HUGE enclosure for climbing&sliding and what not. so naturally, i didnt expect i'd get involved in the aforementioned.

life is like a little child jumping out from behind a bush going "BOO!"

it surprises me. i soon found myself climbing&sliding and what not along with the two mak neneks. i went two rounds then i got tired. lol. we left about 2 hrs later. went for physio at 4. see the title of my post? yeah it's cos of this mainly. okay i'll start at the beginning.

went to see a sports doctor yesterday to investigate the pain in my tailbone. turns out it's a slip disc in the lower spine. hence the emo-ness yesterday. this means:

1. no sports for a month.
2. NO CHEER FOR A MONTH.

he specifically said so. arrhghghghghhg so fuggin convenient nay?? so yeah, no cheer. i'll still go for dance but no heavy stuff. and so went for physio today. was damn weird. first they put some sticly thingys down yr legs and these thingys vibrate okay. so it feels like yr leg is being electrocuted. then they did the ultrasound on my back. with the coldcoldcold gel. it got warmer tho. then they put more sticky thingys on my back and did this ice treatment thing.

the ice was so cold, it was hot.

seriously. had it on for 15mins. that was all. it was okay, better than i expected but it was just too weird. too much weirdness in a day doesn't do a person good.

and OMFG la. steff wasnt chosen for choral for the STUPIDEST REASON IN THE WORLD. wont reveal but yeah GOSH IT PISSES ME OFF. poor girl. poor me! poor us! ahh shyitt!

there's something i need to find out and i need to find out NOW but lyn li isnt replying meeeeeee! i need to know! i guess i'll ask her later i'm seeing her anyway. if my hypothesis is correct, it is a very small world. and it gets smaller.

(the usage of word 'hypothesis' shows the overdose of 4 sci 1.) gosh i need a holiday. gahh! and i lost my hair tie for the 83583865893658365836523568924658942nd time.

woe is me.

oh yeah and yknow that thing supposedly called love,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
is currently bola-ing in singapore. if the game isnt on now, stop being a bitch and reply me can not? please&thankyou.

nah just kidding. i love you :)

what?

2007-01-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

i dont know if anyone feels this, but i certainly do. it seems as though everytime i'm feeling real hopeless, and i'm near a radio, all the songs they play make sense to how i feel. song after song, it tells a story about how you're feeling, why you feel it, and not to give up. it's happened to me countless times. maybe it's my imagination..or maybe i'm really listening for a change. it gets me really emotional when i feel like NO ONE IN THE WORLD knows how i feel, and yet it's live on-air. ironic no? that's what's really strange, in my eyes. it seems as though the answer is so simple. but what is it that makes it hard? it's the fact that i don't let it be easy. i crave a challenge. but when i get a challenge, i regret it and i cannot for the life of me, handle it. my first instinct when i feel down and hopeless : SORT IT OUT. DON'T LET ANYONE SORT IT OUT FOR YOU. so i have to sort it out.

i have to be the hero in my story.

let's just hope the hero saves the day.

and lives happily ever after.

:'(

shoulderTOshoulder till justice prevails.

2007-01-25T20:12:00.001+08:00

takes so super long to get home from school now cos i'm in a diff bus! ahhhh and a new driverrr. omgg the journey home is like prolonged to the maxx. an hour to get home when i live 5mins away. gossh. oh well, this is what 2007 brings then.

grin&bear it. thats all i can do.

nigello proposed starting a dance club in school. and its a prrty awesome idea i think. so i'm backing him up. he knows a dance teacher and everything! i cant wait for it to finally be put in action. we talked to pn parimala and she's agreed to head it but we gotta do most of the logistics and technicalities. but that's not a problem, after all we gotta be independant and not depend on her to run the show now can we? then we talked to mr george and he agreed to talk to the dance teacher and hopefully they'll make a deal of some sort. hoping & praying so hope and pray with me! haha really excited. we even have something planned for anugerah. yesh very the excitingg! so thats what's been on my mind these past few days.

omg today was quite scary..mr yoges was relieving our class cos mr george wasnt there. and prefects go out early for recess or lunch, and all the prefects in our class were like getting up to go. and one even went out already..so steff and i went out la. actually it was kinda our bad la cos we didnt like, tell him that we were going out and we just kinda waltzed out (oops). so then we were waking, then mr y started shouting! he asked us why we were going out and ask some of the others to call us back. then he yelled at us...and...

all the other prefects from class werent allowed to go out early..

yes la, ashamed okay see the tiny font ^

then we waited la. damn quite cos we were kinda in the dog house. then a while later he let us go out. we could finally breathe then. i hope he didnt tell the discipline teacher about us. it was an accident really! we thought he knew we were going out...

oh well, it's okay now. WE WONT DO IT AGAIN.

-THIS IS A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO THE PREFECTS OF 4 sc 1.-

slowness.

2007-01-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

omggg i'm trying to express blog today and it just has to load sooooo superr sloww. today was kinda fun. actually quite fun la. we were supposed to run 5 rounds round the school today!

(i cheated. sshhh. i only ran 4)

haha but i ended with steph so no one suspected a thang! yeah lucky she came ONE ROUND FASTER THAN ME. quite the malu. lol but i cheated anyway so who cares. haha! so then after that sat around for a bit then went for pe.

LATE!

arrrghhh! and the punishment was SIT UPS! but not that bad la only 15 hahaha. but halfway through, my tailbone started to hurt like seriously bad. i thought it was nothing la cos i dunno it was just painful. then after that i got up to walk to the courts...it was like....omfffffgggggg OUCCCCHHHHHH LAAAAAAA!

well, in my mind. duhh.

then everyone was playing netball and i didnt play cos it was soooo blooooday painful. not that i was pining to play also la. i can live without netball. (view previous posts!) yeah so then after that we got bored then NIGELLO came with his bball! and we were throwing it to each other. and he said we werent catching the ball right, so he taught us how to catch properly. nearly got my braains knocked right outta my head a few times. lol. yeupp powwwer!

then steph and i went to the bball court and started dancing (lol) dont ask it's just one of those spontaneous things. the waltz, saaaalsa! , chinese&indian&malay , haha THAI , balinese, you name it, we did it. haha then we did the wheelbarrow thing. (she was the wheelbarrow duhh theres no way i'm getting on the ground)

and all this cos it was quite boringg. then we went for recess. to change, then to recess. the rest of the day was prrty okay.

steffhasfurrr<33

friday blues.

2007-01-19T15:56:00.000+08:00

i dont know why i keep playing along. when all you do is hurt me over and over again. maybe making me angry and making me bitch about it covers up the hurt i feel. i don't know. i've known you for years and yet you don't get it. i've dropped countless hints. somedays are good days, during which i feel like hating you less..but these don't come easily anymore. today was a good day. today i felt what it would be like if we were best friends without a care in the world. if i didn't know better, we would be. OH-SO-SUPERFICIALLY. that's what we have, you know? superficiality. all of what we have is fake. a lie. a joke. it's pathetic. but why? because i'm afraid, and you're oblivious. i hate seeing everything in people. i hate being the middle person in a situation where two other people are oblivious. that's what it was like. was. now you're the only one oblivious, everyone else has seen it but you. why is it so difficult to see? you want to see what everyone else sees?

try it, it's called a mirror.

smack THAT.

2007-01-16T21:55:00.001+08:00

past few days have been SHYITTT.

BECAUSE

(haha i like doing these BECAUSE blogs a lot)

1. been quite sickk.
2. mum's away for business.

IN FRICKING NEW YORK CITY! AND SHE DID NOT TAKE ME!

as you can see, i'm still here.

so yeah, she's off having a fab time and all. she's there for like 10 days and shes only working for 3. so all those excess days, she'll be roaming the city with her friends shopping&shopping.

and shopping.

answer me this, HOW UPTURNED IS THE UNIVERSE?!

fyi, this post may be a little shallow of me in readers' eyes. but for those who know me close&personal, you know that this is a major catastrophe that i'm not there with her in the fuggin' fashion capital OF THE WORLD.

SEE ALSO:"deprived-shopaholic-living-miles-away-from-her-calling-and-gets-so-close-but-it-slips-thru-her-fingers-because-her-mother-didnt-take-her-along-and-thus-her-days-have-been-

SHYITT!"

smack THAT.

2007-01-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

this shall be the sixth :)

2007-01-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

jeez i just realised that i have ONLY FIVE POSTS. sorry readers (perasan-ness :p). haha. well school's started and its quite a change from previous school starting days. it's a whooooole different ball game. different requirements/standards/pressure/fun! yeah, there still IS fun. and hey, its only like the first week of school. but yeah, theres fun and there will be throughout the year!

today was a funny day. and a TIRING day. we ran 3 rounds round the whole entire school as practice for x-country. omgg la. after i finished, like a dumbdumb i sat down immediately. then my legs, omggggg started to itch like MADDDD! from my knees downwards. felt like ripping them pants off! seriouslyy kay. then after that walked up to the concourse and sat again.. but this time it was okay la not sooooo bad. drank the largest amount of water i've ever drunk at one time. then stephanie (a.k.a SLAAAAAAAAVE) felt really sickk. like she had to puke. but she didnt in the end. i told her to stick her finger down her throat to get it out, cos it's good to get it out right? but she didnt hahha. then after thaaat..had p.e THEORY (omgg useless!) then went
down to the field for the ahemm...PRACTICAL part of it. played netball.

for the 1276374638493994372834671264384th time of my life, in p.e.

sigh. its fun la but PLEASE DONT MAKE US PLAY IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. this is a plea from me on behalf of the WHOLE FEMALE COMMUNITY!

ok la maybe just the little community in our class. but STILL!

sigh. well after that went to change and all then had class and all. haha mr yoges is the funniest ever. he teaches physics, and he said the first time..

" In physics, your english all are fluents!"

in normal FLUENT english, might translate to..

"To learn physics, your english must be fluent."

haha funny. his english isnt really that bad at all. just that one spoken line. ironic nay? or maybe he was just doing it for fun, i dunno. (trying my HARDEST to give him the benefit of the doubt here :) so yeah, he's real funny. he carries this scary-ass cane around, not a walking stick cane, but a like...whacking cane. yeah and when he speaks, he sort of yknow, caaaasually swwwings it here and there.

tis super scary. his caaaasual swwwingss are sooo gonna take someone's eye out one day.

yeah thats prrty much the interestings of my day. blogg soon i hope.

<3

a slap back to reality.

2007-01-05T18:58:00.000+08:00

once in a while. a slap back to reality is good. once in a while. it humbles you. once in a while. it hurts. once in a while. it calms the seas when all is well. once in a while.

and all, almost always, is well.

love u loads j. always and always <3

a sprinkle of jacq.

2007-01-05T18:53:00.000+08:00

JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ JACQ.

u see your name now?

loviesxx.

lailoco :)

2006-12-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

mum flooded the bathroom today. Yup, you heard (read) me right. she left the tap on and it flooded her bathroom ankle length.

WOOT.

so this is the scene. mum and i (mum with a campbell's soup free gift cup, and me with a little pail) busily scooping up the water from the floor into the cup and pail respectively. and throwing the water either into the sink, or in the drainhole.

t'was quite funny. my back hurts a little tho.

watched project runway after that. and the conor clapman story (a bit of it) then watched a bit of desire: table for three. very the duhrama. much like jacq :) i love you.

THEN

came online. talked to jacq and thaddd. haha FRIMAY BOY. then jacq and i changed our myspace layouts. mine's prettier than the old one. jacq's is super dottyy.

then read blogs for a while. and now i'm blogging. and now i'm not.

lovies xx.

eeekano.

2006-12-11T15:22:00.000+08:00

kaym caroling group sang at ikanoooo! on friday, saturday and sunday. was soooo cool! except for the saturday 2pm-3pm one la. that one was very VERY the sucky.

BECAUSE.

1. there were very few ppl.
2. like, seriously, only ONE bass.
3. the alto's mic was OMG ultra loud hence drowned the melody.
4. stupid sound ppl's fault, not the alto's fault.
5. bee conducted. (thats a bad thing because she's my only REAL soprano.)
6. rock sucked, was very VERY rushed.
7. silent night sucked.

There. 7 whole reasons. we got better tho. WAYYYY better.

BECAUSE.

1. shireen conducted. (meaning bee could sing with us!)
2. shireen conducted. (meaning rock wasnt so rushed!)
3. seong came. (meaning there was another bass)
4. jo+sheyna came. (meaning more girls voices)
5. we were more semangat-ed.
6. there was another caroling group cheering us on. (support!)
7. we were SO much more confident.

yay :)

at peace.

2006-12-07T15:53:00.000+08:00

so effing bored today. I NEED something better to do with my time. some company would be nice. sigh. SO BLOODY BORED. havent finished my xmas shopping yet. i wish i had a car and could drive. would solve most of my miseries. i can't wait till i can drive. wheeee.

i dont really know yet what xmas presents to give most people. i have a vague idea, but then when i go, i change my mind over and over. i want to give people the best gifts ever! making them personal and meaningful..i sometimes succeed..that's what i like to think. *smiles*

i especially would like to make gifts meaningful for those who mean most to me. family, friends like megan, jacq, sheyna, thad. it's always so nice to see faces light up when opening gifts. makes my day. it's just up to me to put smiles not only on their faces, but their hearts as well. thats the hard part!

magical time, christmas. walking around in malls during this magical season really livens me up. the carols playing, decorations everywhere, xmas spirit just oozing out of everyone. honestly, it's the most beautiful thing. i heart christmas.

and ohhhh the company we have during xmas! caroling and bonding and sharing the spirit. it makes my christmas, my christmas. and did i mention, we rock? cos yeah, we do. and we rock at putting smiles on people's faces, and our own. we rock at lifting fallen spirits, we rock at displaying what christmas is all about. we rock at loving the audience, and loving each other. we rock at entertaining. we just. plain. rock.

and i lovvvve it <3